


ink on my back

by aquarius_galuxy



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: 20 secrets kurogane and fai don't want you to know, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquarius_galuxy/pseuds/aquarius_galuxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai acquires a tattoo in Yama. <br/>[a collection of vignettes]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ink on my back

**Author's Note:**

> this was previously titled 'the insignificance of mulberry'. I've retitled it and rearranged the oneshots. :)

Fai acquires a tattoo in Yama.

It happens in the capital of the city three months after they've joined Yasha's army. It happens one day, when Kurogane's away training new steeds for the soldiers, and Fai wanders around the markets with a pocket full of gold, wages from their work on the battlefield that he has hardly any use for.

There are plenty of soldiers with tattoos. Ones with arms covered in black ink, ones with red-traced chrysanthemums and skulls and harsh, angry words, ones with human faces on their biceps and demon masks across their backs.

He doesn't need to ponder upon the design he wants. He already knows.

He stands out among the dark-skinned, dark-haired people of this country in a way that puts him on edge every time he makes his way into the public eye, but in the dim, quiet light of the tattoo shop, with its walls plastered with paper drawings and simple wooden chairs in the middle of a cluttered room, the tattoo artist watches him without judgement in his eyes.

Fai gestures that he wants a tattoo inked on his back, produces some ingots to ascertain the price. Somehow, they iron the necessary details out without any talking on Fai's part, and he draws his design on a large sheet of paper with sure, steady brushstrokes. The tattooist transfers the design onto his bared back; he looks at it through a large mirror, nods, and they begin the inking.

It isn't painful, for all the various needle-brushes look like they'd hurt. Fai feels the man stretch his skin and puncture it rapidly with his needles, leaving the perforations stained with ink from a little tube nestled in his other hand.

The tattooing takes hours, and by the time they're done, Fai is satisfied with the bold, dark lines across his back. This time, the wings of the phoenix are crossed in front of itself, no longer spread onto his arms, and his back aches with the emptiness where Ashura's magic once hummed.

The tattoo is a ghost, much like he is.

He wears the bandages into battle hours later, doesn't give much thought to the sunburn-prickle of his skin as he draws his bow and takes down enemies just as quickly.

After, when the battle is over with for the night and they're peeling their armor off behind the canvas walls of a private bathing area, he hears the quick intake of Kurogane's breath.

For an instant, he hesitates, fingers on the edge of his blood-speckled bandages.

Then he decides that there's no way he can hide this from the warrior forever, so he peels the dressings off in a single smooth motion.

It's almost unfair, intimate, how Kurogane should see his tattoo before he even lays eyes on it himself. He feels the touch of a crimson gaze as he makes his way into the bathing area, seats himself on one of the wooden stools and pours a bucket of cool water down his back. Pain hisses down his back like fire across kerosene.

Kurogane says something, a jumble of consonants he doesn't understand—there's something reluctantly admiring in his voice, like praise. Fai doesn't dare to look at him, merely continues with his cold bath, smoothing gentle fingers over the black ink lines.

It's a phoenix, powerful and beautiful like he (Fai) could never be, and it serves as a reminder of Ashura, as well as the future he's chained to as surely as there is ink embedded in his skin.

The tattoo takes weeks to heal. He sleeps on his hands to keep from picking at his scabs, and his skin mends well. Kurogane glances at it from time to time—he knows. He feels careful, calloused fingers on it after, when he's most certainly not looking at the other when they fuck.

It's like a companion, that tattoo. Fai talks to it sometimes in Yama (because no one else will understand him) and it takes the edge off his loneliness. Sometimes it feels as if the tattoo understands him (and it would if he imbued it with a little magic, but he doesn't).

.

Then the kids show up, and they're swept into the technology-saturated world of Piffle. Kurogane tries to root out the meaning of the tattoo, but Fai dances around the question each time.

.

In Tokyo, Kurogane gains a similar sort of marking on his back; a reminder. It's much like the phoenix on Fai's skin, but Kurogane's is a whorl of red, like the roaring blaze of a dragon, a phoenix, Fai's magic.

Unlike Fai, Kurogane rises with the flames at his back. He loses some and gains some, while Fai curls his resentment around him like his ink-black phoenix defends itself.

.

In the chessboard world of Infinity, Sakura traces her fingers over Fai's tattoo, whispers her hopes that he will someday find peace. It feels like a blessing and yet, not quite.

Then Fai stabs his princess and he's burning and burning like a wretched chick on fire.

.

In Celes, Ashura dies, and the tattoo is all that Fai has left of his benefactor. Kurogane makes a sacrifice.

In Celes and then Nihon, Fai learns what he means to Kurogane. Kurogane's sacrifice is burning, cauterizing dragonfire that imbues Fai with a new sort of strength, and he finally crawls out from his smoldering pile of losses and misdeeds.

In Nihon, Kurogane gains a new arm and rises again. Fai rises along with him, back-to-back, phoenix to brilliant flame, each marked by their hurts and gains and their strengths and weaknesses.

.

In Clow, Reed finally dies, and it's a new beginning for them both.


	2. the insignificance of mulberry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai is desire and beauty and kindness and also many things he hates.

It is tonight, tonight that Fai steps into the room in a furisode, rich purple with plum blossom motifs edging its hems.

Tonight, his feet are bare and his hair is pulled back with a sapphire ribbon, and the rustle of fabric on his skin is the only sound in the room, boxed in by rice paper walls and lamps flickering in the corners.

For a heartbeat, all Kurogane sees is Fai, the blond who has wormed his way under his skin, shredded his patience more times than he can count. Cornsilk hair gleams beneath firelight; sky-blue eyes glint.

"Hello, Kuro-wan," Fai purrs, slides the door quietly shut behind him.

They are not in Nihon. They've never been to Nihon together and surely Fai doesn't know the significance of the furisode, the dangling-sleeved robe worn by male lovers of samurai. (But that is in Nihon, and this isn't it.)

Kurogane pulls his gaze away with some effort, looks down at his bedding. "What is it?" he grumbles through a throat that is a little too tight for his comfort.

"Nothing," the wizard lilts. His eyes trail over the two futon in the near-empty room, three feet apart and Souhi between them. "I just thought it would be very rude if I were to not speak to my... brave guard dog."

"Why do you have to keep being an idiot?" he snaps, fingers curling into palms. Heat whirls upon itself in his gut—he's pretty sure that's anger right there. Nothing, not in the slightest, to do with the sliver of pale skin dipping down behind mulberry cloth.

Fai flumps down onto the only unoccupied futon with a languid sigh. Thin fabric slides off slim calves and well-turned heels; azure eyes slip shut.

"Ah, this is so comfortable."

Unbidden, the mage's Celesian clothes come to mind. Kurogane's seen him wearing dark trousers beneath the powder-blue robes and cloak, several times with thigh-high boots. Fai has been careful not to fully undress when he's around; he's never really seen more than bare arms or calves.

Kurogane knows he's staring. He turns resolutely away and unsheathes Souhi, pulls a rag and some oil over to polish his blade.

"What are you thinking about, Kuro-myu?" the twit suddenly ventures, twisting just a bit so the folds of the furisode part a little more, and Kurogane can see bare thigh in his peripheral vision. He really doesn't need this. He concentrates on running slow strokes over his katana; Fai laughs lightly and rolls around in his futon.

"Aren't you sleeping yet?" he bristles.

"I can't sleep with you watching me like a fierce, growly dog, you know," Fai explains, still with that inane smile stretching his lips.

The kids are in the next room. It is very easy to... let go, just for a bit. Kurogane doesn't.

"I'm not watching you," he retorts.

The rag smooths over shiny metal in repetitive strokes. For a while, neither of them speaks, and he takes refuge in the silence.

Kurogane never thought that he'd be almost afraid of the mage, that looking at Fai means he's looking at part of himself he'd rather not see.

Fai is desire and beauty and kindness and also many things he hates. He isn't a foul creature, because he bears no threat to Tomoyo, and none to the kids. But he isn't the right person either, because he lies and runs and hides.

For this reason, Kurogane reins in what he wants, and doesn't think about what could be. The furisode says enough. Fai doesn't know; he doesn't want to accept it, and this distance is fine. Really.

"You're watching me," the other man tells him, his smile catlike.

"I'm not." Kurogane turns away bodily, so the wizard is behind him, and the pressure eases off a little.

In his mind, he still sees pale skin and smooth thighs and that sharp smile.

Fai inches back into his peripheral vision. "Are you afraid of me, Kuro-pon?"

"No," he retorts, with more force than he probably needs.

And the idiot sees  _right through him_.

"If you can't bear to look at me, then you are."

How the man twists and turns so he's lying flat on his futon, belly down and one leg out of his clothes is not Kurogane's concern. He jerks his head to glower at the blond. "I'm looking at you right now," he grits. (Looking at blue eyes, and only blue eyes.) "I'm not afraid."

The grin is still there, and it's sly.

"Kuro-Kuro is so manly." Fai is raking his gaze over Kurogane now, unabashedly, and he tries not to feel himself react to it. This isn't real. The mage isn't real, he's full of lies and not to be trusted. (But he is attractive, and Kurogane has wondered—)

At the silence, the wizard props his chin up on his hands and asks, "You're so violent, you know. Are you even able to touch me without making it hurt?"

He is still smiling, and Kurogane is trapped, wondering why this question is so loaded, wondering what exactly the twit wants to know.

"Let me catch you, and maybe you'll find out." The words are spilling from his mouth before he can keep them back. He tries not to grimace in horror; they sounded almost provocative. Damn it. Fuck.

Fai is pulling away from his futon even before Kurogane can begin to salvage the situation. He stands and takes two steps to close the distance.

Torn between what he wants, and what he absolutely doesn't, he sits rooted to the spot, Souhi across his lap.

Fai attempts to sit on him. Kurogane yelps, pulls his sword away so they aren't both hurt by it (but he isn't backing away, he shouldn't have to, he isn't afraid)—

His lap is full of wizard all at once.

Fai is warm and bony and lighter than he expected, and his legs are sticking out of his furisode and—damn it, Kurogane isn't looking.

There are inches between their faces; they share a breath, crimson eyes glued to sapphire. Surprise is written clearly over the blond's face. He doesn't want to know what his own looks like.

Either way, neither of them expected this consequence, this sudden intimacy that is... not quite unwelcome.

In the next moment, Fai is hiding behind his silly grins (it's the only thing he has to shield himself right now) and Kurogane scowls at him.

"So it looks like Kuro-sama is able to touch me without it hurting," the idiot is blabbering. His movements belie an ease Kurogane isn't feeling. Smooth fingertips whisper over his face, and Fai is retreating from his lap before he can begin to decide if he likes this.

(No, he definitely doesn't.)

"Well, good night, Kuro-rin, we're having a long day tomorrow," Fai sings, pads over to the corners of the room to put out the lights. He doesn't look at Kurogane, and Kurogane is still wondering what the fuck just happened.

The last flame goes out; they're plunged into semi-darkness (night vision is good for  _some_  things) and he watches as the other man walks a little more slowly towards his own bedding, settles down a little more tiredly than he would have if he knows that Kurogane can see him even now.

He slips quietly into the futon and closes his eyes. Gives in, a little, to the whispering thoughts that what happened minutes ago could have been more.

Blue eyes, silky thighs, and—

He stops there, turns his back on the idiot. Why on earth he's attracted to someone so insanely aggravating is beyond his guess, and he really doesn't want to think about that right now.

Kurogane forces himself into a light, thoughtless doze. No stupid smiles, no whispering lips.

He'll live with this.


	3. feral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane should have known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I have been on a mad rampage doing fills on clampkink (which looks to have been forgotten by most?). I'll be posting a handful every so often because there's way too many of them and I need to put them out here before I forget.
> 
> **Warnings:** Angst and violence, not really KuroFai, but more like Kurogane and Fai.

**feral**  /ˈfɛr əl/ [ **fer** - _uh_  l]  
 _adjective_  
1\. existing in a natural state, as animals or plants; not domesticated or cultivated; wild.  
2\. having reverted to the wild state, as from domestication  
3\. of or characteristic of wild animals; ferocious; brutal.

.

He had been civilized, once. Before that, he had been scavenging among the dead in a tower forsaken by time. Prior to even that... Well, he had been born a prince, but that wasn't something worth bringing up. Princes were not whipped and locked in dungeons to await their deaths.

So, Fai Fluorite was really a wild thing beneath it all. Kurogane should have known that.

Kurogane should have known not to provoke him into feeding, should have known not to involve the princess or Syaoran-kun, because this was strictly between them and Fai was fucking sick of seeing those red eyes narrowing at him.

Kurogane should have known to keep away before Fai swooped in front of him, grabbed him by the collar, and slammed him hard into the concrete wall of their empty-walled apartment, so violently that his skull bounced off with a sickening  _thump_.

There was blood. There was ice-cold fury in his lungs, so thick he couldn't breathe, so venomous he couldn't think, only wanted to kill, to bring the world down around him were it not for the princess in the next room. But the blood was what yanked the transformation out of him, sharp pain piercing through his gums as his fangs pushed out, his one remaining eye turning gold.

He was hungry, and he wanted blood, no matter its cost.

"You want me to feed?" he hissed, the edges of his voice blurring with inhumanity. "Shall I kill you now, Kurogane, by feeding?"

Kurogane swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing and catching Fai's eye. Yet he held Fai's stare, unafraid. "Feed. It's been long due."

"I could tear your throat open," Fai continued. "You will have no chance of survival. And I will die."

For a moment, he froze, because he could imagine the cascade of blood before him and how delicious it would be on his skin, in his mouth. His chest was burning. He needed food, needed revenge. Needed to  _hurt_.

He flung the man across the room, easily, and Kurogane hit the other wall, made no move to defend himself. Behind him, the wall cracked. Kurogane swayed a little, his eyes losing focus.

Fai was upon him in a flash (it felt like he was flying) and he threw his weight into the other, slid him off the wall and onto the floor (leaving a smear of red on concrete). He crouched over the man, straddled his waist, breathing through his mouth so his fangs could lengthen further. They pricked at his lip; he would lacerate if he closed his mouth now.

Kurogane had bitten his tongue. Fai could tell, because he could smell the coppery bite of that blood. Two sources now, one from his mouth, the other from the back of his head.

"You won't," Kurogane said. "You won't kill me."

Fai laughed. It was raw, full of broken glass and betrayal.

His claws slid out unbidden. They ripped easily through cloth and skin when he snatched the other up again, inches off his floor so he could hiss in Kurogane's face. "Stop me."

He sank his teeth into Kurogane's throat, hard.


	4. eclipsed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai stumbles upon a couple of new friends during a moon-viewing party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written in honor of the super moon eclipse on 27th Sep. Bits of astronomy, astrology, and photography included. Hints of KuroFai or KuroFaiYuui, if you squint. Otherwise, just an introductory piece.

"It's been  _hours_ , Yuui, I'm  _bored_." Fai glanced at the crowd gathered around them on their picnic blankets and sheets, radios playing a jumble of music in the background while the occasional kid yelled. Overhead, the sky had finally darkened to a deep plum-purple, and the moon had gone from a full silver coin to a sliver, and was now filling back out with a reddish tinge. "The moon hurts my neck to look at."

"Don't be silly. It's just been two hours. It'll be over soon, I promise," Yuui mumbled distractedly, looking into the viewfinder of his camera and fiddling with the dials on it.

Fai sighed and flopped bonelessly onto their picnic mat. He wasn't really interested in single-lens reflex cameras or tripods or telephoto lenses or converters that magnified images by a gazillion times, but Yuui had been so excited that the lunar eclipse would be visible from the place they were living, and it was a total eclipse, at that.

He waited another minute or two, fiddled with the strings of his worn guitar. His fingers were tired and his throat needed a break. "I think I'm going to walk around," he told Yuui, who hummed. "Maybe there'll be a cute guy or a pretty girl and we'll hit it off~"

The Earth took forever to shadow its moon, and this wasn't even the first eclipse they'd witnessed, courtesy of Yuui's eclipse-chasing. But it was the first eclipse of a super moon, and the last time that occurred, they weren't even born yet. So, Yuui was excited.

Fai was bored senseless.

He wove his way between plastic sheets and scampering terriers, searching for something shiny, something new that would occupy his attention that he hadn't already seen before at tens of other parks under tens of other instances of the Earth darkening the moon (or sun).

He was halfway through picking out the constellations (Aries, Pisces, Aquarius) when something caught on his foot, and he lurched forward.

"Oi!"

Fai stumbled and glanced around. To his right, a large, glowering guy sat on a picnic mat (bamboo, unlike the cheap plastic one he shared with Yuui), red eyes fixing him with a scowl. It was one of his long legs that Fai had tripped over. "Oh! Um, I'm sorry?"

A diminutive woman giggled next to Scowly-Face. She was pale and had silky dark hair that fell past her shoulders, and Fai looked to her, eager for someone to not be angry with him right this moment. "Hello there," she said sweetly, waving a little. "I'm Tomoyo. What's your name?"

"Fai," he answered, still a little thrown-off. He should really get out of here so Scowly-Face wasn't glaring at him any more. To the man, he said, "I suppose your name isn't really Scowly-Face, is it?"

The glare grew ten times more intense; Tomoyo laughed. "This is Kurogane," she said, and nudged her companion. "Don't look at him like that. He didn't mean to trip, you know."

Kurogane didn't answer her, merely continued with his sullen scrutiny of Fai. "My name isn't Scowly-Face."

He had a nice voice. Deep, rich, like something Fai could listen to all day.

"Come sit with us," Tomoyo said then, patting an empty spot on the mat next to her. When Fai began to politely decline, she continued, "Kurogane isn't one for talking, and I've been dying for some conversation."

He saw the reproachful look that Kurogane didn't return. Now that he was looking closely at the man he'd accidentally offended, it was easy to see that he actually looked very good. Sharp, clean features, intelligent eyes, lean body. Pity he looked like he'd much rather bark at anyone who came close.

"Have you been here long?" he asked Tomoyo, skirting carefully around Kurogane to take a seat by her side. This close, he could smell the note of lavender wafting from her. Kurogane stared suspiciously at him. "It's pretty crowded tonight."

"Oh, about half an hour, maybe? It took a while to persuade Kurogane to come along. Tea?" Tomoyo pulled an empty cup from a picnic basket—he noticed the thermos sitting inside then.

He blinked in surprise. (It wasn't often that someone shared their food so easily.)

"Um, sure." He'd rather have it saturated with sugar though, but it didn't seem polite to say that to the kind, pretty stranger who'd offered it, so he merely accepted the steaming cup and took a small sip. Green tea—mellow, but not bitter at all. He liked it. "We've been here for hours," Fai sighed, "and it's boring. You should bring better companions along with you, you know. Chatting with friends is fun!"

Kurogane flicked the same irate stare at him. Tomoyo giggled.

"What're you guys doing here? Surely you and Kuro— Kuro-glare couldn't have—"

"Name's Kurogane."

"Kuro...growly," Fai said. It really was rude to do this, but all Tomoyo had been doing was smile and laugh, and he figured he'd be fine teasing some guy he wouldn't see past today. Tomoyo burst out laughing.

"Kuro— Oh dear, Kurogane," she gasped between giggles, covering her mouth while Kurogane turned his stare on her. Fai exchanged a look with Tomoyo. In that moment, he knew that she liked him, and that they understood each other on some level. "You really should lighten up a little."

"He's an idiot," the other muttered, glared at Fai.

"Kuro-glare really suits you. Just one syllable short, but it's easier to remember."

Tomoyo giggled harder.

"What're you doing here then?" Kurogane snapped, angled his shoulder away from Fai. "Mooning around?"

He snickered, glanced up at the moon, which was half-full now. He'd give it twenty minutes before it was completely obscured by Earth's shadow. "Observing the eclipse of the super moon, Kuro-pup," he lilted, checked his watch. "Totality should begin in roughly nineteen minutes."

Kurogane's jaw slackened, but it could be a full-on gape for all Fai cared. He glanced at Tomoyo, who looked as if she was barely restraining a laugh. Kurogane made a rude noise.

"It really is special, though," Fai said, "It's the largest super moon this year, but the previous super moon eclipse occurred thirty years ago."

"That is really something, huh?" Tomoyo's smile softened; she glanced up at the moon, and there was suddenly a very wise, old look about her that Fai couldn't put his finger on. They sat in silence for a bit.

"They say that eclipses herald transformations," he said easily, sipping again from his tea. It would be about five more minutes before Yuui began to wonder about him. "One source said it would be good to let go of one's tendency to react with anger."

Kurogane scoffed at his significant look.

"Yes. Cooperation and diplomacy are favored a lot, but especially in the wake of an eclipse," Tomoyo added with some delight. "You're following Yue's blog?"

Fai blinked, smiled shyly at her. "Yeah. I didn't think to bump into another fan. Yuui's always telling me how astrology doesn't make sense."

"It's complete bull," Kurogane muttered from Tomoyo's other side.

Fai glanced again at his watch. Ten minutes. "Well, I should be going... Yuui's going to start wondering where I am... or maybe not. It just seems a waste since my guitar's over there. We may as well make it a moon-viewing party!"

Tomoyo brightened. She gave her things a considering look and turned to Fai. "Think we could join up with you guys?"

It was difficult to tell if there was still space around the mat he and Yuui had set up, but Tomoyo brushed his concerns off. "We'll share if there isn't," she said. "The more, the merrier, right?"

So they packed Tomoyo's things back into her picnic basket, Kurogane hefted the rolled-up mat onto his shoulder, and they picked their way through the dimness back to Yuui with the help of their glowing phones.

"Fai! Where were you? I was starting to wonder if you'd tripped and fallen somewhere..." Yuui's chiding trailed off when he caught sight of the two new additions behind Fai. "Um, friends of yours?"

"New friends," Fai agreed. "This is Tomoyo, and the growly one's Kuro-glare."

"Kurogane," the man growled.

"Hello," Yuui said.

Fai leaned in close to his twin, who had gone back to taking test shots of the moon. "He's cute," he whispered. "I think you'll like him too."

"I, um, really?" Yuui wanted to look, Fai could tell, but it was too dark for them to really see each other by this point.

"Later," he whispered back. Somewhere behind, Kurogane and Tomoyo were rolling half their mat out—there wasn't much more space than that. "Take a picture of all of us later. I know you brought your flash unit."

Yuui sighed. Fai knew he was smiling a fond, exasperated smile at the camera. "What would I do without you?"

He laughed, and grabbed for his guitar at the same time Yuui began to focus his attention on the rust-red moon, triggering another set of bracketed shots. "They say demons come out of hiding when the moon's red. Maybe they were predicting your appearance, Kuro-mean."

"Shut up," came the growl of a response alongside a tinkling laugh.

Eclipses signaled change, Fai thought as he strummed the strings of his guitar and eased into one of his and Yuui's favorite songs. (Yuui would join in when he could spare the attention.) Perhaps this was the start of a long streak of good luck. Both of them really needed it.


	5. eyeliner and kissy faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai dresses up for Halloween.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Halloween. Inspired by the awesome _lilfoodmonster_

"I have visible underwear lines!" Fai cries, twisting around to look at his butt in a way that makes Kurogane sigh and rub his face. "What if someone sees? What if Kuro-doggy sees?"

"I'm right here, you idiot," he says, and Fai's flicking a look at him and grinning slyly.

(Yes, the underwear lines are visible and, no, he's not telling the idiot that.)

(Because there's no way in hell he'd admit to staring at Fai's  _butt_.)

"Oh?" Fai's waggling his eyebrows and prancing over, wriggling his hips so the idiotic wire tail behind him sways awkwardly with every move he makes. And those skin-tight pants aren't helping. "You look good in that great big cloak, Kuro-vamp. You even have the red eyes. All you need are the sharp teeth."

"My teeth are plenty sharp."

"Ooooh, don't scare the kids with them!" Fai cackles and dances back to the mirror, a blunt pencil in hand. "Sakura-chan is really excited about her witch costume, nya! I think Syaoran-kun's bandages might unravel and tangle though. Don't trip over him."

"Speak for yourself," he says.

Fai is dressed in all-black tonight, with large black cat ears pinned to his hair, and snug black clothes covering every other inch of his skin. He's painting whiskers on his face right now, making cutesy expressions that has Kurogane rolling his eyes.

"I don't have black lipstick," the idiot whines. "And no lip gloss, either. I can't make my lips black and not eat eyeliner the entire night!"

"So do something else," Kurogane says.

The wizard continues to draw on his face, and Kurogane watches as thin lips are colored black. Fai turns around eventually, lips pushed out in a pout. "It seems I'll have to hold my mouth like that the entire night. Else I'll be eating  _things_."

"You look like a duck."

"I do not! I'm supposed to be a cat! Nya!" Fai skips over and winds himself around Kurogane, all sleek and black and lean, and makes a kissy face.

Kurogane tries very hard not to grab that mouth in a fist (or do anything else with it), and he ends up shaking the idiot off. "Go bother someone else," he says, not really meaning it at all.

"Fine." Fai pouts again, but he presses up close and presses a quick kiss on Kurogane's cheek, probably leaving a smear of black all over his fierce vampire face.

Before he can splutter or shout or glower, Fai's laughing and flitting out of the door, eyeliner in hand, and Kurogane grumbles to himself about idiots and kids and things that make him try his hardest not to smile.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai is to be engaged to Tomoyo tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for angst-fest. Written for clampkink.

Their foreheads are pressed together, air passing hot and humid between their mouths. Fai reaches up, cradles the shadowed, stubbled cheek barely inches from him and breathes, closing his eyes to commit this moment to memory.

"We shouldn't," the other says.

"Shh." Then, because he needs to repeat himself, "I love you."

They kiss again, a brief slide and tug of moist lips, slow hands slipping over thin cloth, sliding and squeezing and pulling, and he wonders if they should even dip their fingers in  _that_. (He's dreamed of it.)

He reaches down, squeezes firm flesh, and Kurogane inhales sharply. "What–"

"Will you indulge me?" he asks (pleads).

"You're getting engaged tomorrow. To my sister. I can't let you do this to her."

He huffs a laugh, bitter. "What should I do, then?"

Kurogane doesn't answer.

"You love me, don't you?" Fai whispers, touching the other's jaw with his fingertips. "Show me. Prove it to me."

"I can't," Kurogane says tightly. "Not like this."

He swallows past the thick lump in his throat, lets his hands fall to his sides. "Just for tonight, then. Stay with me tonight."

It's all he can ask of Kurogane, after all. He doesn't deserve much else.


	7. Soel and Larg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mokona discuss strange things their companions have been doing. Soel tries to help and fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for clampkink on 4 separate occasions. Couldn't leave this topic alone. ;)

 

"Long time no see!" Soel greets, her little heart skipping when she sees Larg in the circular projection in front of her. She waves a stubby paw from the smooth glass of the sitting room table; Larg waves back with both of his. "Mokona misses Mokona!"

"Mokona misses Mokona too," Larg answers, smiling back. There's a faint, bluish shadow behind him; Soel guesses that he's sitting out on the porch at the back of Yuuko's shop, bright moonlight shining on him. "How is everyone?"

"Everyone's asleep," Soel says. "We're in a new world called Piffle, and there's flying cars everywhere!"

"That sounds like fun! Is there booze?" Larg beams, pets his belly, and Soel pets hers too.

"There is! Kuro-pon bought some today. He didn't want to share any!"

"Selfish of him!" Larg pouts.

"Of course, there were opportunities to get some." Soel snickers, very reminiscent of a certain blond wizard. "Fai distracted him from his sake. But Kuro-rin didn't try to beat him up. Maybe."

"Really?" Larg's ears perk up. "But isn't he mean with Fai?"

"Well." Soel frowns, brings her paws together contemplatively. "Actually, since we got here from Yama, things have been very different. It's confusing."

"Confusing in what way?"

"They have warm feelings around each other. It's a warm feeling in here." Soel waves at her belly. "But... It's not the same warm feeling like when Sakura is with Syaoran. It's hot, it makes Mokona feel hungry. But eating doesn't help, not even when it's Fai's super-special pancakes."

"Mokona's never felt that before." Larg frowns, bewildered.

"They left the bedroom door open one time," Soel whispers, looking back at the common room hallway, where the doors are all tightly shut. "It looked like they were fighting. Fai was making noises like he was in pain... But he felt hungry."

"Really?"

"Kuro-tan too. They weren't wearing a lot. Which is funny, because Fai rarely takes his clothes off."

"Is it... Like those pictures in Yuuko's books? The one with the rabbits?"

"Yes! Like that!"

It's Larg's turn to look confused. "Actually, some strange things have been happening here too. Like when Yuuko goes out and Watanuki cooks, Maru and Moro do funny things too."

"Like the rabbits?" Soel wrinkles her forehead.

Larg shakes his head. "No, no. They lick at each other, like cats. But they're missing clothes when they do that too."

"Do they feel hungry? Maybe they're doing the same thing. Mokona saw Kuro-run licking Fai's stomach."

"Kurogane likes Fai that much?" Larg is gaping, slitted eyes almost open.

Soel shrugs. "Mokona thinks so. But Mokona thinks Kuro-pii likes Fai more. Fai doesn't want to think about it. He's still scared."

"Oh." Larg's long ears droop. "It's different with Maru and Moro. They don't feel anything. Except maybe they feel like they really like each other."

"Yuuko said they don't have souls, so they can't leave the shop. Maybe that's why."

It's quiet for a bit while they mull over the conversation.

"Does Mokona think Mokona will do that?" Soel asks.

"The licking thing?"

"Yeah."

Larg shrugs. "Maybe when Mokona are hungry. Mokona have souls, right?"

Soel nods firmly. "Yuuko said Mokona can leave the shop. So Mokona have souls."

"It's confusing," Larg says eventually. "But there's sake!"

Soel lights up. "There's sake here too! Kuro-min bought some and hid it, but Mokona found it!"

"Let's drink!"

They both cheer, hopping from their respective seats to their respective kitchens, pulling bottles carefully hidden from prying eyes.

"Cheers," Soel and Larg chorus, lifting their uncapped bottles towards the projections.

The night is still young, and there are plenty more bottles of sake left to go, after all.

* * *

"Kuro-pon and Fai are confusing," Soel says on another day, when she's perched on the lip of a splashing stone fountain. They're in a world where it isn't unusual for magical constructs to wander around by themselves—Fai called it Recourt Country. "Mokona doesn't understand."

The projection bobs along with the little ripples in the fountain. In it, Larg scratches his ear. He's sitting on the edge of one of the wooden walkways that surround Yuuko's shop again, but it's daytime there now, and the colors around Larg are reddish and warm.

Larg tips his head to a side. "Why? What's wrong?"

Soel rubs the side of her face, pulling a long, floppy ear between her paws. "Well, Fai was really hungry for a long time the other day. He was with Kuro-rin, and Kuro-rin was hungry too. Most of the time, they're just hungry for a while, and then they feel really happy with each other."

"Mmhmm."

"But this time, Fai was hungry for a really long time. He wanted something very much." Soel pulls a sad face. "So Mokona ate and ate all the things in the pantry, but Mokona was still hungry after. Fai felt very hot. Mokona can't describe it. It's like Mokona can eat everything and never be full."

Larg scrunches his face up.

"It's like the time when everyone was sitting by the road because there was no money for food," Soel adds sadly. "Except Fai got less hungry, then more hungry, then less hungry, and Kuro-tan was happy about it. Kuro-myu was hungry too, but he wasn't as hungry as Fai. Mokona felt like Fai wanted to cry, he was so hungry it was painful."

"Did Mokona ask what happened?" Larg leans forward in concern.

"No, the door was locked. Even Mokona's secret techniques couldn't open that door." Soel wrings her paws together. "Then it felt like Fai was crying, he wanted Kuro-pii to give him something."

"Did he?"

"No. Kuro-pii was happy that Fai wanted something. But he was mean. He didn't give it to Fai."

"What happened then?"

"So Mokona drank more of Kuro-pyon's sake. But Mokona was still hungry after that."

They share a pout.

"Mokona doesn't understand either," Larg says.

Soel shrugs. "Then a long time later, Fai was kind of angry and hungry, and Mokona thinks maybe he was violent. He attacked Kurogane."

Larg gasps.

"They felt very, very hungry after that. Kind of full. And then they were the happiest that Mokona ever felt." Soel smiles uncertainly. "After that, Mokona didn't feel anything else, Mokona thinks they fainted."

"Did Kurogane or Fai say anything?"

Soel shakes her head. "But Mokona thinks maybe Kuro-wanko was shouting something. Sometimes he shouts at Fai behind the door."

"Does Fai shout back?"

"Mokona only heard Fai shouting once. He sounded like he hurt a lot. But neither of them seemed hurt! Mokona looked. Sometimes Fai limps after they have their hungry arguments. Sometimes it's Kuro-puu, but it's not as often as Fai. It looks painful."

"Does no one else know?" Larg watches her worriedly, and Soel is glad that someone understands her feelings.

"Syaoran is embarrassed when Mokona asks. Sakura doesn't seem to know," Soel says.

"Maybe they need to bring food inside when they fight," Larg says solemnly. "Then they won't feel so hungry."

Soel smiles. It's the first bit of sense she's heard about the entire situation. "Mokona will sneak in with some food next time. Maybe it'll help them."

Larg nods sagely; Soel feels a bit better now that she has a way of helping Kurogane and Fai.

"Mokona will tell if it works," Soel promises. She thinks it will. "It'll become the 109th secret technique!"

They exchange an excited smile then; Soel finally feels her troubles ebbing away. This will help Kurogane and Fai—she can't wait for the good news.

* * *

Soel thinks she might be dying. All her limbs are clogged with an absolute embarrassment that she isn't entirely sure is hers, and she can only waddle out of the rented apartment to the stone fountain two blocks down, filled with  _someone_ 's need to get away and  _someone_ 's abject horror and not so much the yawning hunger anymore.

When the projection shimmers into clarity in the water, Larg is blinking sleepily up at her, tucked into bed next to Yuuko. She waves her paws to keep him silent, watches as he crawls out from beneath the heavy covers and totters through the various hallways of Yuuko's shop.

"What is it?" Larg whispers when he's on the porch facing the backyard, rice paper doors shut behind him.

"It's horrible!" she wails, covering her face with her paws. "Mokona tried bringing the food and... and..."

Larg stares up at her in concern, tiny forehead furrowed. "Mokona should start from the beginning?"

Soel sighs. "Mokona brought a lot of food into Fai and Kurogane's room when they were out. They were surprised that the pantry emptied so quickly, so Mokona told them where it went." (She rubs her belly here.) "Mean Kuro-pon chased Mokona around. Fai bought more food to fill the pantry. When they went out, Mokona took the cupcakes and the sushi into their bedroom. Mokona hid them very well, too! In the closet."

Larg nods.

"Mokona could feel when they got back, they were hungry again, and Mokona was very excited," Soel says. "Because the closet was full of food! Mokona waited in the closet together with the food." She touches her belly again, frowns. "They were saying something, so Mokona waited for them to stop talking. Fai says Mokona needs to be polite. They were quiet for a bit and not that hungry, so Mokona waited and waited and waited."

"What happened then?"

"Fai got very hungry first. But Mokona thought it won't be good to bring out the food if only Fai is hungry, so Mokona waited for Kuro-rin to get very hungry too." She sighs. "By the time Kuro-pii got very, very hungry, Fai sounded like he was in pain. Mokona was so hungry, Mokona ate two of the cupcakes. But Mokona was still hungry after that, and Fai was sobbing and saying 'please' to Kuro-rin." Soel's tone drops to a whisper. "Then, Mokona decided it was the right time to bring the food out."

Larg nods again, fascinated and terrified.

"Mokona burst out of the closet with the sushi plate!" Soel's complexion would have gone paler if she isn't already a pure, snowy white. "Fai was groaning and Kuro-pon was on top of him like those rabbits... It looked like Kuro-pon was pushing his tail into Fai. Fai looked like he was in pain." She pauses for a moment in remembered horror. "And just like that, Kuro-pon and Fai stopped and stared at Mokona, so Mokona said, 'Mokona thought Kuro-tan and Fai were hungry, so Mokona brought sushi! And cupcakes!' And both of them didn't move for a very long time."

"Did they eat?" Larg whispers.

"No!" she cries. "Fai said, 'Mokona, what— How— This is—' and he swallowed like he was thirsty, and he stopped moving and talking completely, but Mokona saw his eyes go to Kuro-pon. Kuro-pon was shocked and angry, but Fai was very embarrassed about it, he couldn't look at anyone and he wanted to run away.

"And suddenly Kurogane and Fai weren't very hungry anymore." Soel's ears droop. "Kuro-tan was frustrated and Fai was so embarrassed, Mokona thinks he wanted to die. So Mokona asked sadly, 'Don't you want the food?' and Fai said, 'Please put it on the table, we'll eat it later,' but Mokona thinks he wasn't telling the truth exactly.

"Then Mokona hurried out of the room, and Mokona bumped into Syaoran. His eyes were big. He said, 'Mokona, did you just come from Fai-san and Kurogane-san's room?' and Mokona nodded. Syaoran got very embarrassed too. Syaoran wanted to hide somewhere. His face was all red. So Mokona left," she concludes miserably. "The food didn't help. Everyone's not happy."

"Oh," Larg says, sagging. "Maybe sake will help."

"Does Mokona think so?" Soel looks at him hopefully. "If Mokona gives them all sake, they'll be better?"

Larg nods solemnly. "Yuuko always drinks sake and it makes her happy. Maybe everyone needs sake. Sake is delicious!"

"Sake is delicious," Soel agrees. "Mokona will go back with sake," she decides. "Then things will work out."

Larg smiles at her, and she feels a little bit better.

* * *

**Bonus:**

"It's a warm feeling in Mokona's belly!"

"It's like having someone to rub Mokona's ears!"

"Like having someone as small as Mokona!"

"Like Mokona can watch something go into Mokona's mouth and come out of Mokona's mouth at the same time!"

None of the humans understood. Not Fai or Kurogane, not Syaoran or Watanuki. The crickets sang out in the night beyond the rice paper walls, and the Mokona were tired of trying to find a way to explain just why it felt so good now that they were back with each other. It had been  _ages_.

Soel and Larg looked at each other. How could they explain the sense of connection and safety that came with being close to your other half?

Soel tried again. "It's like part of Mokona came back after it's been gone for a long time!"

There was a thoughtful look on Fai's face, but the rest remained staring blankly at them.

Larg sighed tiredly. "Mokona is sleepy."

Soel reached out for him. "Mokona is sleepy too."

They fell into the pile of cushions together, warm and full and with loved ones all around them, smiling in contentment.

Fai grinned and nudged Kurogane, holding out the sake bottle, while Syaoran smiled at Watanuki and offered to do the dishes.

It was nice catching a bit of peace between the insanity of all the other worlds.


	8. proposals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai's marriage proposals to Kurogane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for clampkink, on the Lists thread (which is spiraling horribly out of control)

 

The first time was when they landed in the middle of hundreds of couples getting married, in a huge clearing surrounded by tall, majestic pines. They grasped the point of the event within moments; Fai pressed up to Kurogane and asked in delight, "Do you want to do this too, Kuro-sama?"

Kurogane had frowned at him and snapped that these things weren't meant to be taken lightly.

* * *

The second time had been a little more discreet. They were in a world with deep green skies, hunched over around their campfire fixing dinner when Fai nudged Kurogane in the side and asked if he ever thought about the future.

Kurogane said yes, but refused to tell when Fai tried to pry.

* * *

The third was when Fai began telling Kurogane about the wedding traditions on Celes in a world with sweltering heat—long walks through the snow, passing under arches of flowers, and building a home together (stacked logs and numerous spells to keep the heat in) long before the ceremony itself. There were cloaks exchanged, too, and necklaces to match.

Kurogane had given him a considering look, but said nothing more.

* * *

The fourth time was when Fai asked what Kurogane thought about marriage in particular.

Kurogane answered that it was something important. They were distracted by a herd of stampeding, cow-sized rabbits soon after. Syaoran had to rescue them from the local police station.

* * *

Fai cut to the chase the fifth time and asked, while they were sitting around in a technology-threaded kitchen one day, pancakes on the induction stove, "Do you not want to marry me, Kuro-sama?"

Syaoran froze and tried to curl into the tiniest lump possible, and Kurogane turned away, ears turning pink. "Didn't say that, idiot."

* * *

Fai was content to wait after that.

* * *

They passed through several more worlds, week after week, month after month, and despite how close he and Kurogane had grown, Fai needed to show the other that he was Kurogane's. It didn't matter if Kurogane didn't want to do the same (well, it did, but).

* * *

So, Fai began to collect little things—locks of his own hair, scraps from cloth that he'd worn, strings he wove by hand. They came together in an intricate bracelet that he imbued with his strongest protection spell. He pressed it into Kurogane's palm one day, when the latter returned home after working a long day at a train yard.

Kurogane blinked. Fai smiled, before slipping off to make dinner.

* * *

It fit Kurogane's wrist perfectly. Fai knew because he'd tried it on Kurogane when the other was sleeping... and also because Kurogane had begun to wear it right before dinner. Fai flushed a deep red. He had to hide in front of the stove for a while.

* * *

He wondered when Kurogane would ask about the bracelet. It didn't take long. In the next world, Kurogane hardly suffered a scratch when there had been blows that should have landed on him, and at the next opportunity (under the shelter of a stone bridge), Kurogane caught his elbow and lifted his flesh arm up, where the bracelet hung snug around his wrist. Fai smiled sheepishly at him. "You noticed?"

"I can protect myself," Kurogane said, but there was a slight lift to the corner of his mouth that hadn't been there before.

* * *

Kurogane asked about the bracelet in detail in the next world—how he'd made it, what he'd made it with. Fai told him. They were sitting beneath a tree, pink skies warm with golden clouds and a shining sun, and they had a bit of time before Syaoran was due back from the library. Kurogane listened.

* * *

Two worlds later, when Fai was baking in his cafe, Kurogane slipped into the kitchen and grabbed his hand. Fai was about to chide him for choosing the wrong time to be romantic when Kurogane pressed something light and warm to his wrist, fiddled with his fingers. Well.

Well.

"Kuro—?"

Kurogane looked at him uncomfortably and shrugged. "I got the princess to help. I can't do the weaving thing."

Fai couldn't speak, but it seemed he didn't really need to, anyway.

.

When he finally stopped looking at the (red, black, blue) bracelet around his wrist, he stuttered, "How— What do you— This—"

Kurogane had his best grumpy-dog face on. "We're as good as married, aren't we?"

Fai had stared at him and flushed and wailed, "But we're supposed to get married, not just blow past that into marriage!"

(Syaoran, in a corner, mumbled to himself, "Kurogane-san is right.")

"This is a promise," Fai said later, when he calmed. "I guess you could argue that we're sort of married. Without the ceremony."

"We'll do the ceremony too."

"All of them?" Fai brightened.

Kurogane stared at him for a long moment. "Didn't you mention just the one?"

"There is that, but there are the ceremonies of all the worlds we've been too, as well. Syaoran-kun has recorded them all, haven't you?"

Syaoran managed a smile (Kurogane was still staring, and a wary Kurogane was not one whose bad side he wanted to get on). "I did."

"Then it's settled! We'll get married a thousand times!"

Kurogane sighed, smiled, agreed. "Fine."

Fai smiled a dazzling smile. It was one of the happiest Kurogane had ever seen, but not the last, if he could help it.


	9. blood red burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Infinity, the only constant that burns is the scar tissue on Kurogane's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for angst and bloodplay. Written for clampkink.

 

Infinity is black and white and cold like ice shards, cold like the yawning chasm between a family split four ways. Infinity is full of glinting camera eyes and steel collars and smiling knives, hard like the lines separating white tile from black.

Infinity is where they share an apartment and no one speaks to one another. Kurogane shares his booze with the new Syaoran; Fai locks himself up with Sakura, and the silence coming from their room is unnerving.

No one really realizes how noisy they were, how warm, until it dissipates like a foggy winter breath in the breeze. Fai is the coldest of them all. If it weren't for the fact that he still has a life force, albeit a different one because he's no longer really living—Fai is dead in more ways than one—Kurogane would have thought that there's only three of them in the apartment, plus Mokona.

In Infinity, the only constant that burns is the scar tissue on Kurogane's back.

He's looked at it in different mirrors. Through the worlds, the splotches of red are angry and alive, like fire. If the tattoo on Fai's back is a phoenix, then the markings on Kurogane's are the fire that the phoenix is missing. It's bitter irony, that the two of them have markings on their backs now. Wide, consuming markings, red and black.

Kurogane wonders if anything would happen if they were to press their backs together. Nothing, probably, but the thought of skin contact is a comforting one. He hasn't touched Fai since the world with burning rain, can only imagine that Fai is hungry, that he's starving and still waiting to die.

The thought sends an old, familiar heat back through his gut. Kurogane slams his glass of liquor down on the table, ignores the way Syaoran tenses next to him. The glass hasn't shattered yet. Maybe it will if he crushes it hard enough. Maybe he'll bleed, and the damn vampire will come out to finally feed. Fai has refused to feed multiple times, now.

Silence stretches out in the living room (funny name, that) and Kurogane can sense the princess moving towards the door even before she opens it. When she exits from the room, her head is bowed; she doesn't look at any of them.

She infuriates him, just like Fai. He's still raging at the other Syaoran, the one who ripped Fai's eye out, but there's nowhere to leash his anger. Kurogane watches as Sakura slips into the bathroom and locks the door behind herself.

He rises from the couch, glass abandoned, doesn't acknowledge the look that Syaoran throws him. He stalks over to the bedroom door that the princess has left ajar, pushes it open, steps in.

Fai's sitting in a chair next to the bed further from the door, the arch of his back sleek, smooth. He has to know that Kurogane is here. Kurogane is his prey, if nothing, and he should know. Kurogane's read up some on vampires by this point.

The line of Fai's shoulder tightens when Kurogane locks the door. He knows.

Kurogane doesn't care. He stalks over to Fai, watches the way Fai's remaining eye flicks towards his feet. His clothes fit him very well, even if black was never the idiot's color. It looks sinister on him.

He realizes that he doesn't have any idea why he's come in here. All he knows is that it's because Fai is here, and Kurogane is tired of all this. He wants something. Skin contact. Some words. He wants to hear Fai talk. He wants those stupid nicknames back.

He stops next to the chair, close enough that Fai could reach out and claw him to shreds if he wants to.

Fai doesn't. Fai sits and avoids looking at him.

Kurogane snaps suddenly, reaches out to grab Fai's arm, and Fai jerks towards him, limp like a doll.

"Stop this," he says. "This doesn't change anything. You're still alive. Deal with it."

Fai's laugh is low and raw, and his eye is hidden by the fall of dull golden hair. "Is that all you've come in to say, Kurogane?"

His stomach twists. It hurts more than he wants to admit. Fai is barely warm through the thin sleeve of his shirt, and Kurogane's chest is tight with everything. He loves this man. He wants this to stop. He's glad that Fai's alive, but not like this. "Damn you," he hisses.

"I should say the same to you." Fai pushes to his feet. When he looks at Kurogane, his eye is carefully blank. Cold.

Kurogane is burning. He tugs Fai in close and he's shoving his fingers into Fai's hair and tugging his face up, mashing their lips together. Fai is cold. He doesn't feel alive. Kurogane's breath catches; he wonders if there's a way this can be reversed. The witch has said that a dead person cannot be brought back to life. Flesh isn't supposed to be this cold.

Fai stiffens. There is the quiet, slow hiss of nails extending, and Kurogane shoves him away before Fai can swipe out with his claws, every single one of those glinting nails lethal. "Are you trying to prove something?" he asks, all pretense of a lilt left in the dust a long time ago.

"If I am?" he retorts. Kurogane uses anger as a shield. Fai has hidden from him, and Kurogane can do the same. He doesn't actually have anything to prove. He just wants, and it's a hunger that cannot be satiated. It aches.

"Is this what you want, then?" Fai laughs again, and he's in front of Kurogane faster than he can react. This speed makes Kurogane uneasy, but he doesn't have time to think more than that, because Fai flings him roughly backwards onto the bed, calves hitting thick metal frame. His head bounces off a pillow. "Do you need to fuck?"

He doesn't have an answer to that. He wants to, but not like this. Not when there's nothing in Fai's eyes as he pushes his claws out once more, slicing through Kurogane's shirt and pants. His clothes are shreds in moments and Kurogane's focused on the dip of the mattress, the solid weight of Fai as he straddles his hips easily.

He knows that weight, has felt it tens of times before, through the worlds, and it should be welcome but all Kurogane can think about is the coldness in Fai's eyes (and inside, a deep, piercing pain). He gulps. He wants to make things right, somehow. He doesn't know if he can.

Kurogane reaches out, grabs Fai by the collar and pulls him down, kisses him again.

There's nothing in this kiss but wet lips and claws, and Kurogane growls when he cups Fai's face and growls, "Look at me."

Fai doesn't look at him. (Fai has never looked at him when they do this.)

He shakes the idiot, brings his face close so Fai tenses. Kurogane bites hard on his own lip. Skin breaks. Copper wells thick on his tongue; Fai's eye pales into a rich, vivid gold, pupil elongating.

"You can't do this to me," he breathes. The edges of his voice blur, inhuman, and Fai's looking at him now, anger flashing across his face, tempered by a deep hunger. His gaze drops to Kurogane's mouth.

The next kiss isn't exactly one. Fai is shoving him onto the bed and sucking on his lip ravenously, groaning low in his throat. Kurogane lets him. Kurogane bears it when Fai's claws extend and prick into his chest, scratching thin lines of heat across his skin.

The scent overwhelms Fai—he's tensing and whimpering and licking at Kurogane's mouth, and shoving his shirt aside, tongue flicking along wet, red lines. He looks like a cat, lapping like that. It's strange how that hasn't disappeared from him, even with the vampirism. Kurogane tucks the observation away.

Fai scratches and licks all the way down his torso, canine grazing his nipple. Kurogane swallows. He wants this, he realizes suddenly. This is another facet of Fai, one that will not forgive him, but it is still Fai and he's discovering now that he will love the idiot in all the ways he presents himself.

He's the worst idiot, falling in love with an idiot like this.

Fai trails his red scratches all the way down his torso, ripping his pants apart. Kurogane is half-hard and Fai doesn't attempt any cutting words, not when his eye is yellow and he's watching as Kurogane's cock fills up with blood.

It's not the best idea, really, but if it gets Fai to feed—

He watches as Fai struggles to hold himself back, somehow. His eye flickers; his tongue is blood-red and licking at his lip, and Kurogane groans when Fai licks over him, growing harder and fuller yet.

When he's painfully hard and Fai's still only licking at him, Kurogane curls his fingers into fists, wanting to say something. He's afraid of shattering the moment, when it's something this hard to come by, so he bites his tongue, waits until Fai gingerly scrapes over him with a sharp, sharp canine.

There's a bit of pain, not enough to really hurt, and Kurogane groans when Fai takes him into his mouth, sucking hard, tongue flicking across the cut. He pushes deeper into Fai's mouth, needing more, thinking he should stop this and offer Fai his neck instead because there's more blood there. (Fai isn't ripping him to pieces. There's some part of him that still  _cares_.)

Fai sucks and sucks until Kurogane comes, though he pulls away then, turns around and abruptly walks off. Kurogane is left panting on the bed, spilling all over red scratch marks, watching Fai's back as he unlocks the door and walks out, cold once more.

It's a bit of an improvement from the silence. Kurogane isn't fool enough to think this might happen again, but at least Fai has fed some, and there's still a bit of himself left in that shell. He's still alive.

Kurogane is grateful for that.


	10. dirty bloody gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Infinity, the black and white tones of the world are broken up by splashes of red and gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for clampkink's festive event. I... turned it into an angst fest. lol.

 

Most worlds they visit have a reason to celebrate. In Hanshin, bright fairy lights hang from bridges and loud music plays from the speakers in the malls. In Outo, glowing gold lights are tucked into trees and snow falls softly onto the ground, never really piling up to obstruct foot traffic. In the world with talking rabbits, the rabbits dance when the tornado dissipates. In Recourt, statues and fountains are enchanted to sing festive music whenever someone walks by; the trains are transformed to take the shape of gold-scaled dragons in the sky.

In Infinity, the black and white tones of the world are broken up by splashes of red and gold.

It happens one day a month into their stay, when they step out into the drab corridor and the fluorescent lights are not quite as coldly bluish as before. The children pause in the doorway; Sakura looks up curiously, her footsteps faltering.

Syaoran reaches to take her arm. The slightest contact makes her flinch; she jerks her gaze back to the tiled floor and faces forward, murmuring a low apology. (It isn't right, watching the princess do this.) They step out of the apartment and move away, footfalls measured and very faintly echoing off the concrete walls, and behind, Kurogane glances up at the lights. There is definitely a yellow tint where there wasn't before  _(blue to yellow like Fai's eye)_. He's instantly wary, wondering if this has anything to do with the cameras watching their every move.

Fai brushes past him, following the kids. Kurogane is left to lock up. After, he jogs down the corridor to the elevator, shoving the card key into the tight pocket of his jeans. The rest of their group waits silently past the open elevator doors, motionless. Only the new kid is watching him; Fai and Sakura have their attentions planted elsewhere, though the princess, at least, attempts a weak smile when he steps into the little space with them.

(Kurogane doesn't like elevators. He can't see where they're going, what's going on outside these walls. There are cameras watching them in the ceiling.)

When the doors close, he sees colors on them that weren't there last night. Kurogane frowns. It's a poster of gold ribbons looping around red words, the shades so unfamiliar here that they burn into his eyes, even if the colors aren't vivid by any standards.  _Season's Greetings._

No one looks at the poster on the door. Even Kurogane can't bring himself to acknowledge it, because it's like a slap in the face. It brings to mind the festivals on the other worlds, back when Fai still had his stupid grins and the princess blushed and reached hesitantly toward the kid. It brings to mind colorful gifts and carefully-unfolded wrapping paper, little trinkets the children exchanged, and the pout Fai wore when he found out that Kurogane wasn't going to give anyone presents at all.

Fai had given him a dog bone, and then some wine. Plenty of wine. They'd split the booze between them over the course of several nights, drinking themselves mellow and drinking their guards down.

In Infinity, they do not share wine. Kurogane gives some of his to the kid, who falls asleep instead of trying to fight with ladles. There are no cheerful smiles, no soft gazes, and Fai is sullen, refusing to feed, refusing to come back alive. (Maybe Kurogane has killed him, but he refuses to think of it that way.)

The tension in the elevator breaks when the doors finally slide open, like rain in summer's heat. There are no more reminders of happier times—

Until there is, in the gold streamers stretched across the lobby of the ground floor, too bright in the midst of white and black. Kurogane sighs, steps out of the elevator. The rest troop out behind him like soldiers in a robot army.

There aren't just gold streamers in their apartment building. On the streets, there is tinsel tucked into quiet corners, around lampposts and telephone booths, and there are red ornaments hanging from the doors of shops. The arena itself is still black and white, but there are colors in its cracks, red ribbons on metal door handles and golds lining the reception desk.

Everywhere they look, there are colors, bright shades that the people themselves do not seem to wear. But the decorations have gone up overnight through the world, and it is unnerving, uncomfortable. They don't need to be reminded of happier times.  _(Do they?)_  All Kurogane can think about is the gold of Fai's eye, the one time he sliced into his finger in the kitchen because Fai no longer cooks, and someone has to make food for the kids.

(Kurogane is good with weapons and sharps. Food handling, not so much.)

Red should have reminded Kurogane of Nihon, where it symbolizes luck and happiness. There are red robes and red flowers in Tomoyo's garden, and Kurogane knows his eyes are red. What he thinks of, though, when he sees that blood-red hue, are the angry scars on his back. They still hurt, worlds away from acid rain, though he won't admit that they do. He thinks of the blood Fai won't drink, wonders what it'll take to make the wizard finally feed.

Kurogane has plenty of blood. He doesn't have as much good blood between himself and Fai.

(He misses those days.)

There isn't much else they can do but soldier on through these invasive reminders of times long past. The princess isn't happy anymore, and Fai hasn't spoken to him in a long time. Kurogane has tried breaching the gap. His words are water off a duck's back, and he doesn't know how else to reach the idiot. (But the one thing he knows is that Fai cannot die. He won't let Fai die.)

So, Kurogane keeps his head up and glowers at the red and gold. Maybe they'll help return the old times to him somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Merry Christmas?
> 
> P.S. It is very likely that this Christmas idea will make its way into the Infinity arc of the sword/shield series.


	11. No Bumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you aren't going to do it, then I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for clampkink. This is rated M to E (depending on your scale), but is an erotic character study kind of thing. Yay?

 

It happens on one of the worlds after Outo, when they are all easing into the spaces around each other, discovering gaps and filling them without quite meaning to. The princess and the boy are becoming more like kin, despite how Kurogane protests that they aren't, and the wizard drags them close in cheerful, smiling hugs. The princess smiles a little brighter; the boy grows warmer for it.

They don't quite realize how the bonds between them have grown close and tight, until they stumble into a world with cloudy water in sewers, rats scuttling between shadows, and Fai double-checks to make sure that the kitchen utensils are clean before he cooks. Everything he makes is overcooked in this world, but it's just to be safe, he tells them, and none of them complains.

It's just one more minor inconvenience when the kid hurtles into their dingy, bare-walled apartment one afternoon with the princess in tow, orange pamphlet in hand.

"There's a parasite going around on the other side of town," he exclaims breathlessly. "They are little worms, water-borne. They burrow into your skin. I'm sorry I didn't find out about this earlier!"

Kurogane crosses the common room to snatch the paper from his hand, though he can't read any of the words. There are pictures, though, in black and white, showing bumps on a body and strange, curling, back-lit shapes he's learnt comes from something called a "microscope". "How do we tell if we've got them?"

"They live just beneath the skin," Syaoran says. Next to him, the princess is pale, and Mokona is clutched tight in her hands. "They'll present as bumps."

"If we find them?"

"We'll have to cut them out."

It isn't a pretty prospect. Kurogane dispatches the kids into the two bedrooms they've got in the apartment. Fai hovers around outside their doors, twisting his hands together with worry. He's looked at the pamphlet, too, though it's not like he can understand any of it, either. Kurogane jerks a thumb towards the kitchen. "You check yourself in there."

Fai frowns. His lips are pressed tight. He looks like he's about to argue, though he finally retreats to the kitchen, and Kurogane turns his back on that open doorway.

The princess emerges from one of the bedrooms first. She shakes her head. "No bumps."

Fai hurries out of the kitchen to fuss over her, and Kurogane flicks a suspicious glance at him. The wizard is far taller than the princess is; he would have more skin to cover. Kurogane has seen how the idiot cares little for himself. He wouldn't be surprised if the wizard's examination is a cursory check, abandoned the instant he hears the bedroom door squeaking open.

Syaoran emerges ten minutes later. "I checked three times," he says. "I didn't find any bumps."

"Good." Kurogane turns to Fai, catches his elbow, and drags him into one of the bedrooms. He locks the door behind them.

Fai raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Why, Kuro-pon, I didn't think you'd  _want_  me to do your examination."

He ignores the prattle. "Are you going to do a proper job on yourself?"

The idiot smiles slyly, and Kurogane has a moment to think that he should have phrased that better. "What sort of a job?" Fai asks, waggling his eyebrows. "Does Kuro-rin really want to watch?"

It's all calculated to elicit embarrassment. Kurogane studiously ignores all his suggestions (tempting though they might be) and shoves the other onto a bed. "You didn't complete yours. Don't think I don't know."

"Were you  _watching_?" Fai gasps, all horror a pretense. He turns toward the bed, sweeping over it with his gaze. "Well, at least the bed looks clean enough."

"Tch. Strip and check yourself. Either I watch, or I don't. Bottom line is you have to do it."

Kurogane places himself between Fai and the door, tugs his shirt off so he can do his own survey. Behind, Fai draws a long breath.

When he looks over his shoulder, Fai's still sitting in bed, motionless, staring at him. "What?"

"So you lock me in here to give me a striptease?" Fai's eyes are roving down his hips, and Kurogane should not be feeling the prickle of interest that sparks between them.

"I locked you in here so you can damn well check for parasites," he snaps.

There's a flicker of remorse on Fai's face.

"Look, if you aren't going to do it, then I will."

Fai's mouth falls open in surprise. "Really, Kuro-tan?" he lilts, recovering. "Are you really going to get your big doggy paws on me?"

He's closing the distance between them, standing over Fai and glaring down at the sheer idiocy of this man. "Are you, or are you not going to do it?"

Blue eyes lock with his. Fai's mouth curves into a smirk, challenging.

Kurogane swears. He reaches down, curls his fingers into the hem of Fai's shirt, and the heat of Fai's skin burns into the backs of his fingers. The shirt goes up (Fai lifts his arms so it slides right off), and surprise still lingers on that pale face by the time Kurogane looks again.

"Well, I didn't peg you as someone who would—"

"Shut up." Kurogane bristles. He tosses the shirt further up on the bed, seats himself heavily behind the wizard. This is a lot more pale skin than Fai has ever shown, and he can't help looking, quietly glad that Fai is facing away right now.

He starts with smoothing his fingers beneath Fai's jaw, checking his throat, then down along his shoulder blades and his arms.

"Is this your first time, Kuro-myu? Your fingers are so experienced," Fai says lightly, until Kurogane completes the circuit of his arms and touches the tops of his sides. There's a quiet breath then, quick and surprised.

Fai's back is narrow and pale, unmarked skin stretching from his shoulders to the waistband at his hips. No bumps. Kurogane brushes his hands along those shoulders, down and out, and Fai shivers into his touch. He presses his fingers into skin, just to make sure that there aren't any bumps too small to be seen, and as he makes his way down lean muscle, the wizard falls completely silent.

Fai's breathing changes. Where it was deep and long before, it is now quick and shallow, sharper when Kurogane digs his thumbs in close to the valley of Fai's spine.

"Hey," he says. "You all right?"

The wizard doesn't reply immediately. He swallows noisily, takes a couple of breaths, then answers, "Why, yes, Kuro-min. Why would you think otherwise?"

There's a slight breathlessness to that voice. Kurogane frowns. He hasn't done anything to the idiot save for probing along his back. Why would anyone be scared of being touched there?

"Turn around," he says, when he completes the survey of Fai's back and sides. Fai doesn't move. He remains sitting, breathing and still. "Tch. I don't have all day."

Fai shuffles over after another long moment, one leg crossed awkwardly over the other, and he's half-facing Kurogane, gaze lowered, lips red like he's been biting on them. If Kurogane's attention lingers on those lips, he's not mentioning it.

This is not like Fai at all, and when he scans the pale smoothness of Fai's chest, it hits him like a blow to his gut.

Fai's nipples are hard.

It's not cold in here. He's seen Fai wearing thin shirts. This is— "This is turning you on."

Fai's shoulders tense; he doesn't look at Kurogane at all, and he has no smart retort. Kurogane glances down, to where Fai's tried to hide his arousal. (It isn't very effective.) His cheeks are pink.

"I can leave you to finish this," Kurogane says, his mind a little hazy because it's somewhere inside Fai's pants. "But you have to promise to complete the exam. Or, I can finish it for you."

The offer hangs open-ended between them.

Fai swallows again, licks his lips. "I— I can't make promises," he says thickly.

"Then you want me to do it."

Fai doesn't reply, but he breathes in quick and sharp, and doesn't move away.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." Kurogane settles back down, continues where he left off. He presses fingers into Fai's pectorals in straight, methodical lines, sees the way Fai swallows when he approaches his nipples. Fingernails scrape quietly across rough sheets. Kurogane rubs his thumbs into pebbled pink, and Fai shivers hard, a gasp tearing from his lips.

It doesn't really feel like an ordinary examination anymore. He presses fingers firmly down Fai's midriff and abs, and Kurogane isn't one to deny the pressure building in his groin. "These have to come off," he says, when he reaches the waistband of Fai's pants.

Fai wriggles out of them. Kurogane sees the hard line of Fai's erection in his underwear, and it sends heat jolting down his spine. He tries not to stare for too long.

He gets through touching Fai's legs somehow—there is so much pale skin and he wants to taste—and when he returns to Fai's hips, he struggles for a moment to find the right words. "This," he says, gesturing towards white cotton, "you have to take off."

Fai's fingers twitch. Kurogane won't be the one to undress him, and the silence is painful while he waits, trying time and again to drag his eyes away from the stretch of cotton over hard flesh.

"I'll leave you to this," he says eventually, even though he doesn't want to, and Fai whimpers.

Long fingers come up to grasp and tug and it's forever before Fai struggles free of the last of his clothes. Kurogane stares at the moist, red tip of his shaft. He wants to touch, with more than his fingers. He doesn't.

Fai flicks a cautious glance at him after an eternity, pupils wide and dilated, and his expression is full of  _please touch me_.

Kurogane gulps. He's throbbing when he smooths his hands over Fai's hips, bringing them in, sifting through coarse hair, and then down, to the soft skin of Fai's balls (taut and drawn up) and when he finally curls his fingers around Fai's cock, both of them groan.

He tries (desperately) to remember what he was looking for, barely centers his mind around it, and the slide of his palm along velvety skin takes it away again. Fai doesn't object when Kurogane presses him down onto the bed with one palm on his chest. He keens and arches his back instead, and Kurogane strokes a handful of times before he's bending in close, reaching his tongue out to lick.

Fai is musky and salty and slick, and Kurogane takes him into his mouth, lapping and sucking. Fai rolls his hips, almost choking Kurogane as a moan slips from his throat.

They unravel from there; Fai thrusting, Kurogane greedily tasting, his own erection straining in his pants.

When Fai comes, Kurogane swallows all he has to offer, and he watches as the tension in Fai's body slowly leaks out into the mattress.

It takes a while for Fai to recover. When he does, he doesn't look at Kurogane, but his voice is raw and rough around the edges when he says, "I should be the one to examine you. That's— That's only fair."

If Kurogane isn't declining that offer, well, there's no one here to stop them from doing more.


	12. a different kind of dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syaoran dies in Tokyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A what-if thing. Written for clampkink. No happy stuff.

Syaoran dies. Kurogane's rage slowly dissipates as he stares at one limp body, cradles another, and to the side, the princess is crying silent tears. The gathered crowd leaves.

Kurogane takes the crystal that distills from the boy's body. He lets it sink back into Fai, and Fai is shuddering again, but there is something behind his eyelid. He has his eye and magic back. He is not on the verge of death, and Kurogane is spared the decision of turning him inhuman to save his life.

When Fai wakes, Kurogane tells him that Syaoran is dead. He says he killed the boy.

Fai's anger is like ice; cutting, burning, cold. He clutches the princess to himself when she returns, doesn't quite talk to any of them except her. The princess doesn't look at the new Syaoran. She is hollow, like Fai is hollow. Fai resents Kurogane for killing his son. He has risked his king, risked his magic, and Kurogane has shattered his sacrifices by destroying the boy he tried to save.

Fai says the boy could have been enchanted to sleep. Kurogane asks how that would help. (Fai doesn't answer.)

They continue their journey through worlds, Fai, Kurogane, Sakura and the new Syaoran. The old Syaoran leaves a gap between them, a space the other Syaoran cannot fill. Kurogane tells Fai that he killed the boy because of what he did to Fai.

He tells Fai that Fai is important, to him. He regrets killing the boy, now, when hindsight is 20/20 and he understands the other options he could have taken. But back then, in the high-ceilinged underground of the Tokyo skyscraper, Fai was singularly the most important person in that room, and Kurogane had raged. Kurogane will give blood and his limbs and his soul to keep Fai alive. Kurogane has given up part of his strength in killing the boy, and he is paying the price of that now.

Fai turns his back on Kurogane. Syaoran's death will be something between them that won't easily heal. The princess suffers through her worlds, huddled with Fai in the room they now share. Kurogane sticks with the new boy, the daily reminder that he has killed the husk of a boy (once his adopted son) and whatever burgeoning relationship between himself and Fai.

He doesn't know if Fai will ever forgive him.

They pass through worlds quietly, land in the chessboard world of Infinity, where they play a game that is not quite a game.

Fai stabs Sakura. She dies, this time, and in her last breaths, she tells him that she has planned for this. She tells him about the other Sakura, she tells him that she doesn't want him killing this new Syaoran and not Kurogane, either. She tells Kurogane and Syaoran to take care of Fai. She says she's going to where her own Syaoran awaits her.

Fai goes half-mad with grief and guilt. They're even, now, Kurogane tells him. They're grieving and guilty and nothing will change that.

Fai keeps away from Kurogane. They make it to Celes, somehow, and Ashura floods them all with Fai's memories and a little shriveled corpse. Fai is terrified, all over again. Ashura threatens first Fai, then Syaoran. Kurogane tries to fight, doesn't succeed because he has lost strength, now. He does damage the corpse, however, shouts at Fai to let his brother rest. Ashura takes Kurogane as hostage, threatens to kill him.

Kurogane is a ninja, and Ashura finds Tomoyo's protective charm, destroys it easily. He leaves Kurogane without protection against hostile magics, binds him and threatens him with death. (And that is Tomoyo's gift to him—useless, destructive.)

Kurogane struggles and tries to attack Ashura anyway. Ashura slices off his arm. Fai learns, in that moment, what Kurogane means to him.

Fai is the one to kill Ashura. In a growing pool of blood, his consciousness slipping away, Kurogane whispers for him to take them to Nihon. Fai is the one to weave the portal magic this time, transporting all three of them, and he's shaking and desperate and clutching at Kurogane when they land, blood spilling over his hands and Kurogane deathly pale in front of him.

In Nihon, Fai learns to forgive. Kurogane heals, and Fai pays for a new arm with half his magic. They're still aching, empty with the loss of their children.

There is little left for them now but to stop the wizard behind this mess, and Kurogane and Fai leave Nihon with heavy hearts and a different Syaoran. There is a Sakura trapped somewhere, but she and Syaoran aren't quite the same, aren't exactly the family Fai and Kurogane started off with.

They learn to accept this new Syaoran, however, and they face off with the magician, Fai with half his magic and Kurogane with some of his strength gone. It's not an easy fight, but they get through it somehow, Kurogane with his arm lost again and Fai exhausted, with most of his magic depleted.

In Clow, they erect tombs for the Sakura and Syaoran they once knew. The new Syaoran has paid a price to rescue his own Sakura; he will have to keep on travelling. Fai and Kurogane decide to follow him on his travels.

There is a long ways ahead of them all yet, but they are healing, and time will help smooth the jagged edges of their wounds. All they can do, really, is to make the best of this new beginning.


	13. all the ways to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai just wants to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning** for suicidal tendencies and low self-esteem issues. Sorry for the double-whammy. x_x

Fai has thought about it many times. He doesn't see his worth as a person, only sees himself as a placeholder and a life he needs to use in exchange for Fai's. He sees himself as disposable, doesn't really know what Ashura sees in him, why the king would want to keep him alive for so long.

Then Ashura tells him, and all Fai can think about is fleeing.

x

It's not okay if he takes his own life. He owes it to his brother. But if something else were to snuff it out, like the Kiishiim... Then he isn't responsible for it. He deserves the burns and the bruises and painful things like that. He doesn't like pain, but he deserves it. As long as he has enough life energy remaining to do the exchange, he'll be able to pay that debt.

x

He thinks he might die when the oni corner him in Outo. Fai is wondering how painful it'll be when Kurogane steps in front of him and kills them.

(Fai has one of his first sniffs at freedom and it doesn't stray far from his thoughts.)

x

It gets tiring, having to pretend. Sometimes Fai doesn't feel like it, but he drags himself out of bed anyway. He wonders if the princess will miss him. He doesn't think Kurogane would. He thinks maybe he'll miss them, but when one is dead and gone, one won't be attached to the mortal plane anymore, right?

(He doesn't even know why Kurogane puts up with his stupidity.)

He looks at Kurogane's sword a lot. Wonders what it's like to die beneath that blade. Kurogane would kill him quick and painlessly. It has to be better than the ache in his chest.

He has his kitchen knives. He doesn't want to inflict pain on himself. It would hurt.

x

There are cars one world. They've read about people dying in accidents. Fai wonders if it'll be quick if he steps in front of a flying steel box.

Kurogane jerks him away from the road before he can think too much about it.

x

There was the river in Jade Country. Drowning sounds painful. Water up one's nose is never good.

x

Seishirou's demons are quick and ruthless. Fai thinks he's relieved of his debt... And then he isn't. He wants to get away. He can't.

x

The rabbits don't kill him. It's just as well, he supposes. They don't look like they're very efficient at it.

x

Fai gets stabbed by an arrow in Yama. It isn't much, but Kurogane keeps an eye on him after that. Fai thinks about sleeping around with the soldiers, but diseases don't sound like a particularly pleasant way to die. He keeps himself alive to make sure Kurogane has his blind spots guarded.

x

The ground is a sharp drop below his flying machine in Piffle. It looks painful to fall. Fai hangs on tight.

x

There is overdosing, too. He first learns about it in Piffle, but he can never get his hands on the right pills, or enough of them. Booze, they have plenty of.

Kurogane keeps the pills away when Fai gets tipsy. Fai doesn't know how Kurogane knows. He pulls Kurogane into bed instead and Kurogane lets him.

x

There are guns one world. Fai almost succeeds... But Kurogane yanks it away from him and he remembers that he isn't supposed to throw his debt away.

x

There are all sorts of lethal traps in Recourt, but Fai needs to see his family out of the world safe, and Mokona drags him along when they leave.

x

In Tokyo, Fai can no longer die. Kurogane promises to kill him. It sounds like something to look forward to.

Fai dreams about it.

x

Kurogane never kills him. Fai feels cheated and betrayed. He tries to crash into cars now and none of it works. Kurogane just gets angry.

x

Fai can't die in Infinity, either. He doesn't drink from Kurogane. It hurts his marrows watching a feast walk around him, hurts to smell blood so near his nose.

x

There are people to save in Celes and Fai realizes that he can't bring Fai back to life. There is really no point in staying alive. He feels really stupid. He waits to die when the world closes around him.

Except Kurogane saves him, and Fai can't die... again. He doesn't know why Kurogane would go to such distances to save him, time and again.

Kurogane loses his arm in exchange for Fai's life. Fai doesn't know how he's worth an entire arm, but Kurogane has paid that price and he can't let that sacrifice go to waste.

Stupid of Kurogane, really, but Fai appreciates it all the same. It's nice to know that someone cares.

x

It takes him a while to remember why Kurogane is even suffering his presence sometimes. He tries to talk about it and the words catch on his breath, and it feels like he might cry when Kurogane waits for him to tell him what's wrong. He can't. Kurogane won't understand. And those words hurt to say. _I am worthless and terrible and a waste of space and a pain to have around._ A lifetime of thinking you aren't good for anything isn't solved by someone giving his arm up for you, even if that someone is your most important person.

It isn't easy, but he tries, a little bit at a time, to believe that he's some good to someone. If he can be useful, then he's worth something. If he isn't, well, then, he doesn't know why the hell Kurogane's putting up with him. Just being himself doesn't seem a very good reason.

He'll hang in there though. Kurogane still wants him around, and that's got to count for something.


	14. lies in Outo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not fair. It’s not fair that Kurogane gets to keep his cool and stay sharp-eyed and handsome like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **This part, in particular, is rated M.** Inspired by [kittenkin's fanart](http://kitten-kin.tumblr.com/post/137271869554/were-you-really-blackout-drunk-in-outo-fai-or) on tumblr, the one where they do things, and Fai says it never happened. Warnings for angst. lol

Outo is a world full of lies.

The girls at the City Hall look identical, inhuman, but identical nonetheless. They remind Fai of identical things best left at the back of his mind. Outo is full of demons that aren't real (and the ones that _are_ , are in the cage of his ribs). Outo is where they discover sightless eyes and (more) fake names and the joys of hiding behind drunkenness.

It's very easy to pretend that you're drunk. Being drunk means you're out of control, that you might say things you aren't supposed to, and Fai can't risk that. He can, however, risk his dignity. (Fai doesn't have much of any dignity left, anymore.)

He purrs with Sakura, rubs his cheek against hers, and they yowl the cafe down. Kurogane glowers at them, drinks outside with Syaoran instead. And that's fine. Fai would much rather Kurogane not look at him.

(Those red eyes really do see too much.)

The kids pass out after a while. Fai lounges around on the couch while Kurogane carries them to bed. When Kurogane storms back downstairs, Fai's nursing another glass of wine, one of those last bottles that Mokona hasn't touched yet.

Kurogane seats himself at the counter. He pours himself a drink, turns his back on Fai. He's had enough of Fai's stupid antics. Fai knows that.

And he feels hurt, somehow. It's not fair. It's not fair that Kurogane gets to keep his cool and stay sharp-eyed and handsome like that. His dignity. He has so much of it.

Fai draws a long sip of liquor, feels it slide warm down his gut, sets his glass silently on the smooth tiled floor. He doesn't make a sound when he slips over to Kurogane.

Maybe Kurogane is lost in his thoughts, because his head jerks up when Fai eases himself into the other's lap, stretches his mouth in a silly grin, and purrs.

Red eyes assess, flickering up and down and boring into him. He'll throw Fai off in a second–

Fai leans heavily into his chest, nestles his face in the crook of Kurogane's neck, where it's warm and smells of dried sweat. Kurogane tenses.

Fai expects himself to be shoved violently off, but he wants to try, he wants to know if Kurogane can be stripped of his composure. He slips a hand between the thick folds of Kurogane's kimono, presses his palm flat against the thin, starched shirt beneath.

Kurogane doesn't move. He doesn't throw Fai halfway across the room.

Fai takes his chances, touches the other's (firm, warm) midriff through his shirt. Kurogane smells like alcohol, like a bit of safety, and Fai pushes his nose closer. If his mouth lingers on skin, he isn't thinking about why.

For a long moment, no one moves.

Long fingers slip into the gap between pearly buttons, creep across smooth chest, and Kurogane's heart kicks.

He tips Fai's face up with a large hand, trying to figure him out. Fai doesn't let him. He surges forward and up, kisses Kurogane full on the lips, and Kurogane kisses back.

Fai freezes then, stunned, but Kurogane's the one moving now, one large hand on his hip, pulling him closer.

Kurogane is very, very attractive.

It becomes a bit of a challenge, to see how far the other will yield. It's not like Kurogane's actually interested in him or anything.

Fai scrapes short nails over Kurogane's nipple. It changes the nature of their kiss, when Kurogane opens his mouth to him and Fai takes what he can get.

It's hot and wet and he ends up pressed against the counter, bar stool clattering to the side, but neither of them is paying attention to that. Kurogane brushes fingers over the velvety black of Fai's vest, and his pants, a light pressure against the heavier one building at his groin.

If there's a strangled whimper between them, it's not Fai's. No. He's trying to keep his cool while Kurogane… while Kurogane follows the line of his erection, right to the tip. His hips roll forward. Kurogane swallows his moan, kisses down his throat.

All Fai can think about is the hot mouth on his neck and the fingers stroking along him, whispers of pleasure that promise. He wants more.

He presses himself into large hands, and Kurogane obliges. He fumbles with the button and zipper on Fai's pants, slips a hand in, and Fai is gasping something–he doesn't know what–and his hips are snapping forward and _yes yes yes_.

His trousers slip off somehow, and so do his shoes, and Fai finds himself half-naked on the cold tile floor, flat on his back, cock straining up into Kurogane's mouth. There's slippery heat around his pulse and Fai curls his fingers into black hair, breathless at the sight of broad, tan shoulders and that slick sliding. He's writhing and needing and pleading and Kurogane holds him down with a large hand on his chest.

He comes with a choked-off moan, spine flexed and nails scraping, and Kurogane pulls slowly away.

For lack of words to say, he hides behind his panting, closes his eyes so Kurogane can't read him right now.

Strong arms wrap around him, tug his pants back on. Clothes are piled on his hips, and Fai feels himself gathered up, hears the thump of feet on stairs.

Kurogane helps him with his nightclothes. He struggles into them shakily, and the other buttons him in. He doesn't stay long, though. He rests a heavy hand briefly on Fai's head; Fai reaches up, dares to trace fingers over his lips, silly grin back in place. Kurogane still has all his composure, even now.

Fai buries his face in his pillow, pretends to fall asleep, and Kurogane slips out of the room.

The next day, he flaps his hand dismissively and tells Kurogane that he doesn't remember a thing.

It's just another lie. Everything in Outo is.


	15. brothers like us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're stepbrothers, and maybe they're a little drunk tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written a while back for clampkink. Fai and Kurogane are stepbrothers in this one. (also unedited/unproofed, apologies for that.) **This part is rated M-ish.**

Kurogane is ten when his parents adopt a little blond boy into their family. His name is Fai, and the only thing they have in common is their age. Where Kurogane is olive-skinned and dark-haired, his new brother is pale and blue-eyed, thinner than Kurogane and very quick on his feet.

He quickly discovers that his new brother is a thief and a liar. Fai steals his parents' attention and time, he steals Kurogane's things when their mom and dad are quick to give him his own toys, and he denies doing little stupid things, like breaking his mom's tea set and sneaking cookies from the pantry. Kurogane doesn't like Fai.

Fai doesn't like him very much, either. He frowns and flattens his mouth when Kurogane points out all the things he's done wrong, like cheating in school, and hanging out to play with the other kids instead of going home to help out. Fai is distant with his new parents; he doesn't hug or kiss them like Kurogane does, and the only time he touches Kurogane is when he's trying to pull a prank.

Kurogane knows it's his own fault for asking his mom for a brother to play with. His mom had tried, lost a child, and she and his father had eventually decided to adopt a second child instead. Why they chose Fai, they refuse to tell Kurogane. "He needs a home" doesn't sound like much of an explanation, and Kurogane is a little too young to call them out on it with nasty words.

They grow into puberty together; Fai laughs at Kurogane's creaky voice, until his own breaks and it's Kurogane's turn to laugh. Fai shoots up tall; Kurogane's shoulders grow broad like his father's, and his voice deepens and rumbles like thunder. Fai remains slender, thin and pale where Kurogane bulks up. None of their clothes fit the other.

They are different—Fai is the sun to Kurogane's quiet night, making plenty of friends easily and never keeping anyone by his side for long. Kurogane has his own clique of steady friends, who chat online and discuss everything from the way to build model cars to the best tracks they can race them on, and Kurogane finds himself at the school's garage greasing his fingers up with motor oil.

He talks less to Fai over the years. They don't share interests. They do argue over decisions and comments and side remarks, and their parents watch them, quietly suggesting they mend their relationship, because they are brothers and may need to rely on each other at some point. Fai smiles and tells them everything is fine. Kurogane shrugs. Everything he says doesn't go over well with Fai, who is quick to offend and snipe back.

Fai looks at him sometimes. He doesn't say anything though.

They see less of each other as they transition to high school, going to the same institution because their parents think they would benefit from being under the same roof together. Neither of them thinks so, but both know it doesn't help to contest it at this point. Fai joins the student council; Kurogane makes friends with mechanics and motor fiends, and they keep different schedules, hardly seeing each other beyond breakfast and dinner. The only time anyone associates them is when their family name is mentioned, and Kurogane never speaks about Fai more than he can.

And then it happens, one party on a late school night with plenty of booze. Kurogane is dragged along because a friend of his happens to admire a girl there, and he follows to ensure people stay out of trouble. Someone shoves a drink into his hand. He knows he shouldn't; he hasn't had much more to drink than his mother allows, and he underestimates his limits.

Kurogane gets tipsy.

He gets tipsy enough to look a little bit longer at people, and when Fai stumbles out of a room with a bunch of half-naked councilors, Kurogane looks, too.

For all the time they've known each other, Kurogane's never really looked at Fai. They don't hang around each other enough to stop arguing, and when they do, Kurogane has things far better to occupy his attention with.

Now, though, he looks. With a bit of alcohol in his system, Kurogane can admit to himself that his brother is attractive, in a skinny, blond sort of way.

Fai has lean muscle where Kurogane's are built from his days at the school workshop filing down wood and metal parts. The blond is smiling loosely, clad only in his underwear, a glass of something red in his hand. Kurogane has been suspecting that Fai hangs out drinking with his friends, but he hasn't enough proof, nor care to put a stop to it.

Their eyes meet across the room, somehow. Fai freezes. He isn't expecting to be seen like this.

Kurogane frowns. His brother is a disgrace, and he'd be damned if he didn't bring the idiot back home before he knocks a girl up, or something. He stalks over, demands they leave.

Fai lifts his chin. Kurogane threatens to raise his voice. He knows the idiot wouldn't want his friends to be involved in some argument about being good and crap like that, and he pushes his point.

So, Fai makes his smiling excuses to his friends—it makes Kurogane sick, watching him do that—and follows Kurogane home, sullen.

Kurogane drives. He isn't supposed to, but between the two of them, he figures he's able to hold his liquor better.

They make it back somehow. Kurogane follows Fai into his room, still a little tipsy, still a little impulsive. He tells Fai to stop doing crap like that, hanging out naked with people. He asks if Fai ever thought about getting someone pregnant.

Fai laughs. It isn't a mirthful laugh. It's a laugh full of glass, and he stalks over to the bedroom door, shuts it. "You're so sure I will, aren't you?" Fai asks, his voice a little above a whisper. "And here I'll bet you've never even kissed."

Kurogane feels his cheeks heat. It isn't any of Fai's business, but neither is Fai screwing around with people any of his. He looks at Fai again, at the way his clothes cling.

Fai follows his gaze. His eyes narrow, and he touches a finger to Kurogane's chin, tips his face back up. "You've been looking," he says slowly, ice-blue eyes full of challenge. "Do you like boys, Kuro-Kuro?"

Kurogane hates that nickname. He refuses to respond to it, takes a step forward instead, and grabs Fai by the collar of his shirt. "I've had enough of you," he mutters, annoyed that his eyes are dropping to the red of Fai's mouth. "You're always like this."

"You haven't even kissed anyone, have you?" Fai asks in return, teeth catching his lower lip, and suddenly Kurogane can't remember why he hasn't. Because Fai looks very, very good in his fitting clothes, and Kurogane is _curious_.

He hauls Fai closer to prove that he can kiss.

Fai stiffens against him. He relaxes a few moments later, and his mouth slides open against Kurogane's.

The kiss is wet, slow, deep, and Fai tastes like mellow wine. Somewhere at the back of his mind, Kurogane is aware that he shouldn't be doing this. But Fai's tongue is rough against his, just a little intoxicating, and then he's trailing light kisses down Kurogane's throat, in places he didn't know he's sensitive. There are little wet sounds, soft-sharp, following the blood to his groin. Blunt fingernails trail over his chest; Fai pushes him against the bedroom door, fumbles with the lock, and a hand drops down between his legs, cupping lightly.

Kurogane doesn't have enough breath in him to protest.

Fai stills. Kurogane doesn't have to look to know he's hard, and his idiot brother's palm feels very, very good against his cock. His pants are tight; Fai reaches past his waistband slowly, as if hesitant, and Kurogane can't help the groan that falls like stone from his mouth.

Maybe they're both drunk, or maybe he is. Fai's fingers free him of those tight pants, fluidly, and he can't help rolling his hips forward.

He doesn't know how Fai gets down there, but he does, and his mouth feels as good as fuck, better than his own fist. Kurogane can't think, doesn't want to do anything but follow Fai and the glorious sensation of tongue against his balls, of wet pressure around his tip. Heat slicks all the way down his spine; he hauls Fai up, refusing to go into this the only one naked.

He pulls Fai's clothes off somehow. Fai's cock is a smooth, solid line behind his underwear, and red and hard without, and it makes Kurogane _wet_. He makes a grab for Fai, hears a hitched breath and the high, broken whine of _please_.

They aren't supposed to be doing this, except they are, and they're on Fai's bed, Fai on top of him, one hand in the crack of his ass. All Kurogane wants to know is what Fai tastes like.

He does find out. He gets onto his knees and takes Fai into his mouth, full and heavy and wet, and the blond bucks his hips, gasping, almost choking him.

Kurogane hasn't had enough of sucking cock when Fai pulls away, sweating and jerking, reaching down to spread him open. It feels odd, kind of arousing, and Kurogane almost comes the moment Fai pushes in.

His first time is with his brother, and he's about to spill with hardly any sort of foreplay.

Fai sinks deep, a slow moan filling his mouth. Kurogane swears, lifts his hips because he needs more, barely remembering to shut his mouth. They'll wake their parents if they're not careful; this isn't what he'd planned for tonight, not at all.

He hauls Fai down for a kiss, and the new angle has him arching, throbbing from the pressure in his ass and between his legs. He's leaving wet smears on Fai's stomach, but Fai doesn't care, reaching between them to curl his fingers around Kurogane.

Fai slides out, and in, and out again, and when he sinks home suddenly, Kurogane comes with a stifled curse, streaking white all across his chest and Fai's belly. It takes his brother another few sharp thrusts; Fai trembles and his breathing stutters and his pace turns feverish, and he stills suddenly, fingers clutching white around Kurogane's hips.

It looks as though he's in pain. Kurogane vaguely wonders about that, mind fogged over with languid bliss. He watches as Fai sags, pulls limply out and blinks uncomprehendingly at him, until it all sinks back, and his eyes snap wide open.

For an instant there, Fai looks horrified, lost, like he wants to hide but can't find anywhere to.

"Get out," he croaks, looking fixedly away and grabbing for his clothes, pulling them over himself. He looks self-conscious then, more helpless than Kurogane's ever seen him, and he looks like he'd bolt if he had a stitch of clothing on.

"Hey," he says, reaching out to touch Fai's shoulder, but Fai just backs away, looking at the floor and trying to shrink into himself. He isn't anything like the confident, cheerful butterfly that Kurogane is used to seeing, and it sends a stab of something twisting into his gut. He shouldn't abandon Fai like that, after what they've done, but Fai seems to want to be left alone.

Slowly, Kurogane backs away, pulling on enough clothes to be decent and taking the rest with him. He retreats into his own room, hears Fai open his door. The shower comes on soon after, muffled through the bathroom door.

He would have questioned why he even did that with Fai, except he kind of knows.

Despite all their arguments, he cares about Fai on some level, though he does also see them as brothers, and he still does think Fai is attractive. Would he do that again? Yes. Would Fai? He doesn't know, but Fai would avoid him like the plague now, he knows, and it hurts. Until half an hour ago, he didn't wasn't even aware that his brother was interested in men. It's embarrassing, awful, not the way siblings should be.

Kurogane sighs and sinks down on the edge of his bed, running a hand through his hair. He'll get a shower first. Everything else can come after.


	16. Vampire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... way back in Dec 2015, I wrote this for clampkink (connected vignettes, not the full story.) (and I'm just copy/pasting from clampkink, there are probably typos in here)

**i.**

"Have you tried animal blood, Mr Kuro, sir?" Fai asked, smiling his best smile at the tall, dark, brooding shadow of a vampire lurking in the doorway of his kitchen. (Well, it was the vampire's kitchen, but Fai had taken it for his own.) "There are various ways of consuming blood, you know—in soups, fried, deep fried, in livers, and so on."

The vampire watched him silently for a few moments. "No," he said eventually, "I haven't."

"Would you like to try some?" Fai beamed. He waved to the paper bags of raw meat he'd brought back from the markets down at the village. The butcher had been curious, but tall tales about soups for pregnant women had been enough to stem the bald man's curiosity. "I wouldn't recommend eating them right now. They're a little gamey. But, I could fix up a quick snack. Pate, or something fried with garlic, perhaps—"

"No garlic," the vampire muttered, glowering. "Haven't you heard the rumors?"

"Oh." Fai batted his eyelashes. "Well, one shouldn't believe all rumors, you know. I was just checking."

Kurogane huffed and turned away. "Whatever. It just tastes bad."

"It won't turn you into dust?"

"Of course not," the vampire snapped. "Leaves a fucking nasty breath after."

Fai grinned, set his knife down, minced over to the doorway, where the vampire was wrapped up in his sweeping black cloak. Come to think of it, the vampire of Suwa Castle wasn't pale like a normal vampire ought to be. Fai paused three feet away from the creature and tucked his hands behind his back. "I had no idea vampires would be concerned about their breath," he said. "Might you be considering a kiss?"

Kurogane glared at him and turned to leave. "No," he said quickly, "You're annoying. Any more of this crap, and I'll ban you from the kitchen."

"Now, that's not fair," Fai pointed out. He returned to his cutting board, began to pull the various cuts of liver out of a paper bag. "I've heard that the lands in the east fry their livers with ginger. Do you think you might be interested?"

The vampire shrugged. "I'll try it."

"Honestly, you haven't had a decent cook." Fai shook his head, began slicing through the slippery meat with his knife. "We'll have a buffet tonight! I got a whole lot of ingredients from the market. I can cook a variety of dishes, you know."

"I'll still have your blood before the night's over," Kurogane muttered. "But I'll give your cooking a try."

"That's great." Fai smiled blandly and shrugged. No one had heard of feeding a vampire cooked blood products before. He didn't know if it would work, but it was something, and he couldn't afford to give the vampire any of his blood. Perhaps he could escape before the night was over?

He could hope.

* * *

**ii.**

"Behold, the blood buffet!" Fai exclaimed, waving toward the cluttered dining table with a flourish. There were plates and bowls of all sizes on it, edged with gold and containing the largest variety of dishes he had time to prepare since the morning. "I've got both raw and cooked dishes, mixed up for variety, Mr Kuro, sir—"

"My name is Kurogane," the vampire snapped. He reached an arm out of his black cloak and pointed at a rectangular cake, red speckled with white. "What's this?"

"Blood sausage," Fai said politely. "I didn't have time to purchase casing, you see, you kept hounding me to return—"

"If all you do is flirt with the butcher, then yes."

"But you were the one to let me out!" Fai pouted, folded his arms.

"You shouldn't even be in the village in the first place." Tall, Dark and Fanged narrowed his eyes into slits of crimson.

"I was there to buy _ingredients_. Your pantry is pitifully empty."

"I don't even need food."

"But you agreed to try—"

"Whatever. What blood sausage is this?" Kurogane studied the thin slices of dense cake, leaning upon each other like fallen dominos.

"Pig's blood," Fai chirped. "Baked with traditional oatmeal, pork fat, onion and allspice."

The vampire acknowledged him with a grunt, picked up a gleaming fork from the side. He cut a corner of sausage off with the tines of the fork, popped it into his mouth and chewed.

"Well?" Fai asked hopefully.

Kurogane chewed for longer, then swallowed. "Decent. What's this?"

It was a soup bowl of deep red, mixed with cubes of vegetables and sprinkled with spices. "Raw pig's blood salsa," Fai answered. "Mixed with diced tomatoes, onions, chili peppers, bell peppers, olive oil and basil. You're supposed to eat it with the deep fried liver chips here."

The vampire raised his dark eyebrows and followed Fai's suggestion, scooping a dollop of thick mixture in a generous curved liver crackling. It crunched between his teeth. Fai tried not to think about his bones being crunched up. "Interesting. The blood is somewhat overpowering."

"I thought so," he agreed sheepishly, rubbing his head. It was getting late, and there really was no way out of this estate. He'd gone looking in the moments he could spare while cooking (which really wasn't a lot), found no route of escape. If what Kurogane said was true, he could find Fai by smell alone, and nowhere he could flee to would be far enough. "What about liver with ginger? I've added some wine—it should greatly improve the taste of the dish."

To his surprise, Kurogane smiled when he tried a piece of that. He chewed slowly, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "What's in this?"

"A whole lot of rice wine," Fai admitted. (The wine was an attempt to get the vampire drunk, if that were even possible.) "Plus ginger slices, sesame oil, and soy sauce. I threw in some green onions. It's popular in the East."

"Hmm." The vampire put another piece of liver into his mouth. Fai watched on with bated breath, but Kurogane did not go on to finish the dish. Instead, he turned toward a set of ramekins, with sprigs of thyme on nicely-browned pudding. "This?"

"Bourbon pate. Onion, thyme, majoram and sage, all sealed in with butter. I left out the garlic, of course." This was another dish Fai had been counting on to help intoxicate the vampire, and it seemed to work, because Kurogane smiled at this one, too.

"The bourbon is a good addition." He tasted it again, cleaning out the ramekin. (Fai was starting to realize that the vampire would never get around to finishing as much alcohol as he needed to, at this rate.) "Seems like any dish with booze in it is good."

His eyebrows shot up, but he guided the vampire through the courses anyway, picking out the dishes that were liberally spiked with liquor. There was rum and fresh pig's blood, a whiskey and raw liver dip, chicken's heart simmered in gin, sliced liver in wine gravy, and a number of other dishes besides, and by the time they were through tasting all of them, the vampire was looking far more satisfied than when he first walked into the dining room.

"I had not expected the liquor to make such a difference," Kurogane said, tipping his head back to sniff at the combined smells of all the food. (And hopefully not Fai.)

Fai smiled. Contrary to what he'd hoped for, the vampire was still standing tall, showing no signs of drunkenness. "You hold your liquor wel, Mr Kuro."

The vampire scoffed. "This was nothing. I've had more in the past."

Oh.

Fai tried to keep the disappointment off his face.

"And now, your blood," Kurogane said. Fai gulped. "I've been waiting all day."

"No, I," he stammered, backing away from the foreboding height of the other. "I mean, you can't."

"Why not." Kurogane watched him now, with the lazy eye of a predator who knew that its prey was within immediate reach, and would not mind allowing it to attempt an escape.

"I'm, well, I'm cursed," Fai said miserably, looking away. "Whoever drinks my blood or kisses me or anything will fall in love with me. You will be bound whether you like it or not."

Kurogane's nostrils flared. He did not move, but his eyes followed the way Fai shifted his weight between his feet. "That's why it smells so good, isn't it?"

Fai shrugged helplessly. "I couldn't tell you. I don't know."

"What do you mean by being bound to you?"

"It means I become some sort of obsession. I will hold power over you, and you will obey my every command." Fai looked away, hugging himself. He had lost people to this curse. He didn't want any more joining that number. "I've had to kill some of them. There isn't a way out of it."

The vampire pursed his lips. "We shall see."

Fai looked up at him, hope fluttering in his chest.

"I will keep you here for another day or two. We'll see what happens."

"You have to let me go," he said once again, glancing at the spread of food on the table. "I'm too much of a risk."

"You aren't the one who decides that." Kurogane stepped away then, red eyes still locked on him. "We shall see."

"No," he said weakly, knowing that this was better than Kurogane drawing his blood. He still had a chance. Maybe he'd find a way for Kurogane to be repulsed by him.

"This discussion ends here. I'll be back later," Kurogane said. He gave Fai a last look, turned to leave. "Good night."

Fai leaned against the dining table, a heavy weight sinking back into his chest. He didn't want another life twisted because of him. Would he be able to escape tonight?

* * *

**iii.**

In the chilly moonlight slanting through the window, Kurogane was marked by stark shadows and glinting red eyes, eyes that pierced him and held him where he was, unable to breathe or move or speak.

Fai worked his throat, staring at the soft lines of the vampire's mouth. They were standing apart, two feet away, but it could have been an entire mile for how cold he felt, his body leaning forward, straining for some sort of contact.

"I want to kiss you," he whispered, still staring, still wanting. It would be so easy.

"So kiss me." Kurogane wasn't moving, either. He was looking right back and he was tall and strong, and Fai _wanted_.

"I _can't_." His voice cracked. He gulped, fingers twitching, sucked a sharp breath. "And you know it."

"If I don't care?"

"I do," Fai hissed. "One of us has to."

He backed away. It felt like he wasn't really in his own body when he did that, but he took one step back, then another. "Let me go, Kurogane."

"No." There had been so much that passed between them, and now... "I don't— I don't have to feed on your blood."

Fai's laugh was mirthless. "Can you really say that and mean it? When we're naked in bed and—"

"Stop that." Kurogane's eyes were burning, red and bright and hungry. He swallowed, a slight bob of his throat, and Fai's gaze dropped to it, flicked back up. "Come here."

Fai tensed, barely breathing, his heart galloping so hard that Kurogane could probably hear every traitorous beat of it. "You won't... you won't be yourself anymore if you do this."

"Then find a way to end it."

"It's not that easy!"

Kurogane took a step forward. Fai stood, trembling, torn, needing to feel those lips against his own.

"We'll regret this," he mumbled.

Another step, and the vampire was in front of him, bearing down, so close that his knuckles brushed over Fai's chest when he lifted it to press his palm to Fai's cheek. He smelled like food and musk and old house, and Fai's mind was throbbing for him to _get away right now_.

This close, he could see the darker flecks of burgundy in Kurogane's irises, the fine, vein-like threads that were so beautiful up close.

Kurogane kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on the [invisible-as-i-run tumblr](http://invisible-as-i-run.tumblr.com/) for news. :P


	17. Sunscreen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY people, I'm back for a bit. Have a new book out, but this little ficlet thing is an ooolllllddd piece I wrote for clampkink :D

"Kuro-sama, you're putting the sunscreen on too thick!" Fai wriggled and batted Kurogane's hand with a frown. "It should be a thin layer."

"Isn't it going to burn if it's too thin?" Kurogane paused with one hand on Fai's back, glancing back at the tube of lotion. It was in a language neither of them could read-Syaoran had handed it to them and said it was sunscreen lotion, and fled.

Fai mulled over his words. "What if different thicknesses of sunscreen gives us different burn intensities?"

Kurogane wasn't sure what to say to that; Fai could get very inquisitive if the mood struck him, and this was appearing to be one of those.

The wizard sat up and took the tube from Kurogane, waving for him to turn around. "I want to try something with the sunscreen, since you don't burn easily anyway."

"Try what?"

"A temporary tattoo. You know, since there should be a difference between the amount of sunscreen applied. Don't you think?" Fai smiled sunnily at him.

Kurogane didn't see a problem with it, so he shrugged, offered his back up to Fai. "Just don't draw anything stupid."

"Of course I won't, Kuro-suspicious."

There was a great deal of silence from the wizard while he worked, and the waves crashed loudly on the shore just a few yards away. Fai's fingers were quick and nimble on his back; Kurogane was curious, but they had no mirror, and he had no way of seeing what the long strokes looked like when all put together.

When he was done, Fai returned the tube of lotion to him. "I covered all the scar tissue," he said uneasily, memories of magical fire lending an edge to his tone, "and I did a reverse silhouette so there'll be less skin exposed. You know, thicker layers of sunscreen on the background."

Kurogane shrugged. The scar tissue burned more easily, almost as easily as Fai's skin. "Doesn't matter. What did you draw?"

At that, Fai's delight came creeping back into his face. "You'll see," he sang, and wriggled back down onto the beach towel. "Now, there's still lotion left in the tube, Kuro-rin! Don't waste it!"

Kurogane batted down the arm waving in his face and scowled, though there was no real heat behind it. "Shut up."

(Later, he discovered that Fai had painted a dragon on his back, long and coiling like Ginryuu. It was darker than the rest of his skin, which had been slathered with sunscreen, and though the scar tissue did not tan enough for parts of the dragon to stand out, he didn't really mind. He was already thinking about painting dragons elsewhere-on his arm, perhaps, or his chest.

Fai would probably agree enthusiastically to that idea. He was an idiot, but he had his moments, too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO. If you're a writer and are interested in joining the KuroFai Olympics post this year, check out [this post](http://kurofai.dreamwidth.org/96182.html) and share some feedback!


	18. sizes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is ... rated higher than T. Maybe M? :P
> 
> Written for clampkink maybe a year ago. Wow. That's a long time back. :P

"This is... Have you ever noticed that?"

Calloused fingers pressing into lightly-fuzzed skin, dragging indents down pale, firm thighs. "Noticed what?"

"That I'm... Well, that I'm bigger than you, Kuro-sama."

"The fuck are you talking about?" The fingers stilled; dark eyebrows drew together, red eyes raked over his bare, fuzzy chest. "How are you bigger than me?"

"Not up there. Down," Fai said, rolled his hips forward. This pushed their erections together, and Kurogane's throat worked. He slid his long, thin fingers around them, too lightly to provide any real pleasure. "Here."

Kurogane growled, rocked up, trying to increase the pressure or friction—either one. "That doesn't count. You're sitting on my lap."

"You're just jealous." Fai grinned slowly, spread his thighs wider, leaned forward and rocked  _in_.

"Fuck. Stop doing that." Kurogane gripped his hips, ground insistently up. "Don't just sit there. We'll talk about this some other time."

"But now's the best time to make a comparison, no?" Fai rested his hands on the other's shoulders and pushed him down onto the mattress, grinding them together, and a moan fell from both their lips. "See—if you hold them together like that, I'm longer than you are."

"Damn it. Why the hell are you talking about this now?" Kurogane glowered. Fai knew it was because he'd won, and there was no way for the other to deny it, not when he was pressing and sliding and—ahhh.

"I just—I just thought it would be—" Fai lost his train of thought suddenly, when Kurogane swatted his hand away and took them both into his palm. "Mmm! Enlightening."

"Enlightening, my ass." Those large fingers were squeezing them firmly together, and then Fai wasn't thinking very clearly anymore.

Kurogane flipped them over suddenly, so Fai was on his back and his thighs were spread and Kurogane was kissing him and grinding and—fuck—he couldn't, he couldn't think, he needed more, they were slippery and sliding together and there wasn't enough pressure to bring him over the edge.

"You said something about big," Kurogane said, and his strokes grew so maddeningly slow that Fai writhed and whined, planting his feet on the bed and rutting back up. "Care to repeat it?"

"Kuro— You can't do this to me," he whined, reached up to pull the other closer.

"This isn't enlightening enough?" One deep stroke sent pleasure humming through his flesh, and then the pressure skidded away to hardly anything.

"Kuro-mean!" he whimpered, reached down. Kurogane caught his wrist, held it against the bed. He barked a laugh, low and guttural and Fai's insides swamped with  _need_. His next whine was high and thin, and Kurogane's grip grew tight around them, so Fai was gasping and rocking and leaking onto his stomach. "I—"

Kurogane slid heavily against him, moving down as his fist surged up, and Fai's breath stuttered in his throat. He couldn't, he couldn't. He cried out as his body arched and he came, spilling wet and warm across his stomach.

There was a moment's pause, then, "I'm bigger."

Fai stared at Kurogane for a moment, caught by surprise. And then he was laughing helplessly, struggling to breathe through his panting. "Oh, Kuro-sama, you didn't have to resort to that!"

Kurogane glared at him, grabbed his hand and shoved it down. "Whatever. Get busy."

"You're not going to live this down," Fai said.

He was still grinning when he finally wriggled his way down to Kurogane's hips. Fai took him into his mouth. Kurogane's glower melted away in the next moment; he never could stay angry, really. And when Fai sucked, Kurogane's throat worked, and sizes didn't matter anymore, after that.


	19. A Night in Gansu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for a flash fiction contest on 4thewords (which is the best motivational writing website ever). I gave the NPCs Kurogane and Fai's personalities.... so essentially it was a 4tw/TRC crossover fanfic. :P
> 
> Fai is a fox wizard here, and Kurogane... is some sort of a white bear thing. :P
> 
> Gansu, 4tw, and the TRC characters do not belong to me.

It's one of the calmer nights in Gansu, when the hot desert winds have died down, and when the sand has stopped swirling around Syaoran's feet, that the fox-wizard steps over, his footfalls silent through spiky grass. 

"Can't sleep?" Fai asks, firelight dancing in his eyes. 

Syaoran pokes a twig into the campfire. It's been five days since the caravan arrived in Gansu, and they've been fighting monsters--the Kiru, with their intangible faces in plumes of fire, the Sparfly, with their clicking sounds as they scuttle, the Wetu, with their angry swirls of rock and dust. 

And all of a sudden, it's been quiet. For two days in a row, there hasn't been an attack on the oasis. The boulders of Gansu form an incomplete wall--they need more desert stones, need to hunt more monsters. But humans need sleep, too, and most of the camp's builders have retired to their tents.

"I'm worried," Syaoran says, glancing at the faintly-lit horizon through the protective boulders. "It's too quiet."

"Ah." With a rustle of his robes, Fai settles next to him, carefully crossing his legs. "We've defeated all of the Bruja and Kiru that attacked in the day. You've seen for yourself that they don't approach at night."

"Do they really stay away?" Syaoran asks. 

He doesn't want Fai to think he's scared. From a foot away, Fai's magic hums in the air like charged lightning, raising the hairs on his arms. Syaoran's nowhere at his level. All he can do is fight the smaller monsters, hoping that one day, he'll take minutes instead of hours to kill a Wetu. Secretly, he wants Fai to take him under his guidance. 

Across the campfire, Kurogane snorts. "Nothing ever stays away. I've told you that."

Fai cracks a smile. "Always quick to prove yourself, aren't you, Kurogane?"

"I've had enough of your talking. Telling the kid things he doesn't need to know."

"Like the Red Witch?" Fai's eyes gleam. "Or are you embarrassed that you didn't know about her until you overheard me?"

Kurogane bristles. "I damn well know the Red Witch, fox. Don't you dare insinuate otherwise."

Fai chuckles. "Then you already know--we're in the dark about the Witch's plans. We've taken the caravan and scanned the lands in a five-mile radius. I've sent my hawk to search from the skies above. We've seen nothing. The night is safe."

Kurogane frowns. In the distance, thunder rumbles.

Fai glances to the left, where a gap in the boulders overlooks the desert. "Did you hear that?"

"Of course I did," Kurogane snaps. "Think I'm deaf?"

"You speak so loudly that I'd be afraid of waking the ward-builders."

Around the fire-lit oasis, the builders' tents are dark, quiet with slumber. Syaoran squirms, glancing at the bluish glow over the distant mountains. It's too quiet. He avoids looking at the flickering campfire directly, so he can better watch the surrounding dunes. 

No sign of movement. No night creatures prowling, waiting for an opportunity to attack.

Fai straightens his whiskers between the pads of his paw, his shoulders relaxed. Kurogane glares at him. "What caused the thunder, then?"

"There is no thunder in the desert unless there's a storm. But all ten constellations are visible."

Syaoran follows the fox's gaze, craning his neck. Across the inky-purple sky, blue stars wink down at him. The Archer aims his bow at the Twin Fish, the Mermaid leaps from the water towards the Golden Scales. Closer to the brightening horizon, the Wyvern coils and roars, blowing a stream of fire at The Centaur.

"That light isn't natural," Kurogane says, nodding at the mountains. He draws his sword, pulling out his whetting stone. 

"Oh?" Fai smiles, sharp teeth glinting in the firelight. "Why do you say that?"

"I've never seen the sky glow blue," Kurogane mutters. He casts Fai a wary glance, sliding the stone along the edge of his sword. "You're surprisingly calm about this."

"I know that we are safe." Fai holds his palm out, his claws tapering into sharp ends. "Don't you trust me, Kurogane?"

For a long moment, Kurogane watches Fai, his eyes narrowing. Fai meets his stare. The air tautens; they've both forgotten about Syaoran.

"I still don't trust you," Kurogane mutters. "Last night--"

"Last night was an interesting exploration," Fai says smoothly. "Is he always a joy to sleep next to, Syaoran?"

Kurogane's eyes narrow to slits. Syaoran doesn't know what went on between them. All he knows is Kurogane left the camp with Fai last night, and they'd smelled like sweat-dampened fur when they returned. Kurogane had eased into the tent he shared with Syaoran, and there had been a strange prickle of leftover magic about him. Fai's magic.

"I, uh." Syaoran has no wish to pick sides. Not when Kurogane is his mentor, and Fai is all sharp smiles and friendly advice. "Well, Kurogane is--"

The earth trembles beneath them, fine sand scattering over Syaoran's toes. Kurogane jumps to his feet, turning to glower at the horizon. "This isn't normal."

"It isn't." Fai rises in a whisper of cloth. 

Syaoran scrambles toward his tent; his sword's in there. Something big's headed for them, and it'll darken the horizon. Maybe it'll be an army of Wetu. Maybe it'll be a swarm of Sparfly.

Something explodes  _behind_  them, raining dust and pebble down on their heads. Syaoran spins around, gasping, his fingers snagging on the sword handle. In the roiling sands past the campground boulders, gigantic worms ooze from the ground, fanged maws gaping open.

Kurogane's voice cuts off mid-swear. Syaoran turns.

Across the oasis, Fai's charging at Kurogane, his claws extended, Kurogane's sword flashing between them. Kurogane's expression is frozen, disbelief and hurt flashing through his eyes.

"Surprise," Fai says, his mellow voice carrying through the campsite. Magic crackles in the air around him. 

Behind him, the mess of Lombri screeches. People scramble out of their tents in their sleeping clothes. 

Syaoran heaves his sword up, betrayal bitter on his tongue. 


	20. Brony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for clampkink. Kurogane becomes a brony (aka adult man who loves the My Little Pony show)

It starts with a muted cartoon on a TV in Piffle, a splash of pinks and purples in a sea of emerald.   
  
Kurogane glances at the moving pictures, half-wishing there was an animated version of his maganyan. There have been movies about spies and robbers, about soldiers and superheroes, but none about ninjas. Maybe the next world, or so he hopes.  
  
For now, he stares at the moving horses, their mouths twisting into odd shapes--horses don't talk. It's... unnatural. He moves along, following the kids through the crowded electronics market.  
  
.  
  
Two days later, he sees the splash of bright color again--this time, in the camper they're staying at. While Fai cooks and the kids puzzle over a book in the corner, Kurogane flips through the channels on the TV, trying to find a show that isn't cooking or sports.   
  
He happens across the horses again. Mystified, he stills his thumb, listening now that there's audio on TV.  
  
"But what if a unicorn's special talent is magic?"  
  
Kurogane pauses. Magic? In a world like Piffle, the kids' programs discuss magic?  
  
"Like you, Twilight, and you know a ton of magic."  
  
"Oh, Spike, stop. I'm sure there are lots of ponies here in Ponyville who know as much magic as me."  
  
The kids laugh. Kurogane turns, thinking they might be watching the show. Instead, they point at a puzzle on a tablet screen, and Mokona bounces between their heads. In the kitchen, Fai hums as he cooks.   
  
On the TV, a horse is talking. "Just because someone has the ability to perform magic doesn't mean they're better than the rest of us."  
  
The horses kind of make sense. And so Kurogane watches on, wondering if there's more to the horse cartoon than he realizes.   
  
The show pauses for a commercial break. Fai calls them to the kitchen for dinner, and by the time Kurogane returns to the TV, the show's over. He shrugs, turning it off.  
  
.  
  
He wakes up in the middle of the night a week later, heading to the kitchen for some water. The red light on the TV blinks, and out of curiosity, Kurogane turns it on. Flips through the channels again. This time, he finds the horse cartoon more quickly than before. He leaves the TV on, grabbing a drink, and it turns out the episode's talking about friendship.   
  
He stands by the couch, sipping water, watching as the horses prance around in a simple town, with rainbows and fountains and all the magical things. It looks too cheerful to be actual magic--Kurogane's seen magic, and magic is terrifying, dangerous. But these horses jump around, laughing, and it's... fascinating. Maybe a little like that idiot mage.  
  
So he settles into the couch. Rests his head against the backrest, listening to the TV with his eyes half-lidded.   
  
The horses argue. They go into discussions. They talk about the good and bad of horses, and then they solve their arguments.   
  
Kurogane thinks he might've liked this show as a kid. His parents would've laughed along with him, he's sure.  
  
So he stays on as the next episode plays, and this time, the horses talk about courage. Valuable life lessons. Kurogane thinks about the mage, and maybe he should wake Fai up, make him watch this thing, too. Maybe the idiot will learn a thing or two.  
  
By the time the credits roll, Kurogane's feeling a lot more relaxed. He turns off the TV, heads upstairs to sleep.  
  
.  
  
The next night, Fai gets drunk with the kids. He acts like an idiot, and Kurogane can't tell if the wizard's being an idiot, or if he's really drunk. So he hauls them all to bed, still too restless to sleep.   
  
He passes by the TV, and pauses.  
  
And the pony cartoon is on again.  
  
Today's episode is about forgiveness. Kurogane scoffs. The horses haven't been through things that can never be forgiven. He watches them, though, half-amused, and wonders if the kids would think it odd, him watching kids' shows at his age. They'd probably laugh. Fai, too, and Kurogane will do everything to keep Fai's mouth shut about these cartoons.  
  
So he turns the volume down, and watches as Spike and Trixie argue about some beach ball. It's stupid. Oddly relaxing. Certainly not something he'd want Tomoyo to know about him.   
  
With a grimace, Kurogane turns the volume down lower, and figures he's keeping his hearing sharp. May as well tune his senses while he's doing this.  
  
The horses forgive each other over a shallow argument, and Kurogane smiles. They're kids. Of course they're allowed to do stupid things. Not like a wizard he knows.  
  
.  
  
Without knowing it, he gets into a habit. In the days, Kurogane works on the flying cars, watching as the kids practice flying. At nights, he has dinner with the rest of his family, and heads upstairs to bed, reading his maganyan for the hundredth time over. And when he's certain that the wizard is asleep, he treads downstairs, turns the TV on, and closes his eyes. The horses prance around. Kurogane listens.   
  
.  
  
In the middle of a placid discussion on sincerity, the floorboards above his head creaks. Kurogane blinks awake, fumbles for the remote, and changes the channel just as the wizard descends into the living room, rubbing his eyes. Then his gaze flickers between Kurogane and the screen.  
  
Kurogane stares at the TV--there's some naked woman on the screen now, and... yeah. He'd rather be caught watching porn than some kids' show.   
  
Fai looks back at him, then at the TV. The woman's sucking dick. Fai's face droops for a second, like he's disappointed. Then he smiles. "You like girls, huh, Kuro-tan?"  
  
Kurogane shrugs. Better girls than horses. "Yeah, whatever. You're here to watch something?"  
  
Fai shakes his head, his gaze returning to the TV, his smile flattening. Like he doesn't like the show. Or does he not like women? Because Kurogane doesn't like women, not that way, and maybe he didn't know this about Fai before.   
  
The wizard slips into the kitchen, and Kurogane waits on the couch, listening to Fai in the kitchen. The cabinet squeaks. Water gurgles into a mug. Silence. Then the soft tap of ceramic on metal, and Fai's out of the kitchen again.   
  
Fai's eyes drop to Kurogane's lap. A sly smile creeps up his face. "Are you waiting for me to leave? So you can, ah, see to business?"  
  
"Yeah." Except it's not what the idiot's insinuating.   
  
Fai gives him a flat smile. Then he's disappearing up the stairs, and Kurogane thinks maybe he should've told Fai the truth. Except he doesn't need to give the wizard more ammunition. Not about cartoon horses.  
  
When the door upstairs clicks, Kurogane waits another ten seconds, before flipping the channel back.  
  
.  
  
The next day, Fai's on the couch when Kurogane walks down the stairs. He doesn't see the idiot at first, not when he's keeping his ears out for doors sliding open. Except he finds long, thin legs in flannel pants, and the idiot's waving the remote at him, porn on TV.  
  
Kurogane sighs. He almost turns back to his room. He's not interested in watching naked women.   
  
"I thought I'd join you tonight," Fai says.   
  
Under his breath, Kurogane swears. But it's a rare thing when Fai happens to be alone with him; the kids are usually around in the day, and Kurogane misses the little moments in Yama, back when the idiot was quiet, and they'd done things together in companionable silence.  
  
"So...?" Fai smiles, blue eyes sliding between Kurogane and the blowjob on TV.   
  
"What do you want?" It's a bad idea. Kurogane should turn around, head upstairs right now. He's not watching horse cartoons in front of the wizard.   
  
"You were watching this last night," Fai says, waving toward the TV. He's not even looking at it. "I thought we should... engage in some brotherly activity."  
  
Kurogane stares at him for a beat. "Watching this?"  
  
He's not watching porn with Fai. Not scenes with women, not scenes with men. It's... not right. They aren't close enough for that sort of thing.   
  
"You do, ah, engage with the show, right?" Fai asks, leaning a little closer, his smile stretched so thin that Kurogane wonders why he's even trying. "The women? They are beautiful. Surely you are... encouraged. Inspired. To take action."  
  
Fai smiles brightly at him, and Kurogane realizes Fai's asking if he's going to jerk off. In front of the TV. And in front of Fai.   
  
"Hell, no," Kurogane says. He's here for horse cartoons. Not to jerk off. And especially not with Fai, the TV playing scenes that Kurogane's never even wanted to see.  
  
He turns to head back to bed, briefly pausing. Maybe he should show Fai the cartoon. Maybe Fai should watch it, and hopefully they'll have something on about honesty.  
  
Except Kurogane can do without Fai telling the kids he's watching kids' shows. They'll pity him for his lacking childhood, or something.  
  
"I was just going to grab a drink," Kurogane says. He heads to the kitchen. Fills a mug. Gulps it down.  
  
The TV's still playing naked women when he steps out of the kitchen, and Fai's watching it, his shoulders sagging, his eyes glazed over.  
  
"Hey," Kurogane says. Fai jerks, blinking at him. "Go to sleep."  
  
Fai stares at him. "What? Why?"  
  
"You look like you need it." Then he turns, leaving Fai with the flesh-colored screen, sighing.   
  
.  
  
The next night, Fai isn't at the TV. Kurogane turns the volume extra-soft, to listen out for the idiot in case he happens to pop in. But Fai doesn't, and Kurogane watches three episodes of horse cartoons. The first is about listening to your heart. The second's about caring. The third's about finding positives in a bad situation.  
  
The night after, Fai isn't there again, and Kurogane relaxes, leaning his head back into the couch, just listening to the high-pitched voices discuss magic and talents and things like that.  
  
Two nights later, Kurogane's on an episode about changing beliefs, and he's drowsy after a long day, his muscles aching sweetly with his work on the flying cars. He'd spent hours working beneath a propped-up car, and he's done for the day.  
  
He's right on the edge of drifting off when the door clicks, and someone sucks a sharp breath.  
  
Kurogane snaps right awake, glancing around.  
  
Fai's at the front door, his face lit faintly by the TV screen, the rest of his body cloaked by the shadows outside the camper.  
  
"What the hell," Kurogane says, scrambling for the remote. He must've sat on it while he shuffled around.  
  
"I didn't... I did not know..." Fai's cheeks darken, and he stares at Kurogane. "You prefer horses to women?"  
  
"What."   
  
"The... the horses." Fai's still standing outside the camper.   
  
"Why the hell are you out there?" Kurogane finds the remote shoved between the couch cushions, and punches the channel button. It's back on porn now, and his skin is too tight.  
  
"Why are you watching children's shows?" Fai asks. Carefully, he steps into the camper, shutting the door behind him. Then he rounds the couch, and his eyes drop down to Kurogane's groin.  
  
"I'm not," Kurogane snaps. Hell, Fai thought he was jerking off to  _horses._  What the fuck. "I'm not some kind of pervert."  
  
"But you were..." Fai glances at the TV again, with a woman bent over. "You're... not? Watching that?"  
  
"I was sleeping."  
  
Except Fai's gaze darts between Kurogane, the TV, and Kurogane's hips, and a slow smile creeps up on his face. "Kuro-tan watches children's shows," Fai lilts, a little too gleefully. "He creeps downstairs to watch horses talk to each other."  
  
Kurogane rubs his face. "Go away."   
  
"You weren't watching the other channel," Fai breathes, stepping closer, his eyes bright.  
  
"No."  
  
And the wizard settles down next to Kurogane on the couch. "Okay, then. Let's watch the horses. That's fine, too."  
  
"You're joking."  
  
"No, I'm not." Fai looks at him, and there's palpable relief in his eyes. That Kurogane isn't getting off on porn with women.   
  
"I don't like women," Kurogane says. "Not that way."  
  
A dark tint of red creeps up Fai's cheeks. He looks at the horses on TV, but neither of them is listening to Twilight and her speech. "Oh. Well, then--"  
  
"You gonna watch this?" Kurogane nods at the TV. "It's about morals. I thought you could learn a thing or two from it."  
  
Fai glances sidelong at him, considering. Then he leans into the couch, watching the show.  
  
"They're always talking about life choices and morals," Kurogane says. "Probably good for you to listen."  
  
Fai chuckles. "Okay."   
  
But ten minutes go by, and he's still watching the show. By the time they're on the third episode, Fai's relaxed into the couch, a tiny, amused smile on his lips.  
  
When the end credits roll, Kurogane glances at him. "Well?"  
  
"Does this play every night?" Fai asks, watching Kurogane.  
  
"Yeah. If you wanna watch, it starts at 11."  
  
Blue eyes glimmer, but Fai holds off on the joke. "I'll be here tomorrow, then."  
  
He doesn't tease. Doesn't say  _I never knew Kuro-pon was a child at heart._  
  
And if Kurogane's surprised, well. There are worse things to be caught off guard about.  
  
Fai leaves in a rush of air, surprisingly silent after an hour of horse cartoons. At the bottom of the stairs, he pauses. "I don't like women that way, either," he says.   
  
Then he turns, treading softly up the stairs.  
  
Kurogane's not smiling. No. His lips are just moving of their own accord, and he's not happy. No. He's just looking forward to watching horses with Fai tomorrow. That has to be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hop by/follow my [invisible-as-i-run tumblr](http://invisible-as-i-run.tumblr.com) for other (exciting!) updates :D


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